Decision '06: I reprove this message

Advertising. It owns you. Effective enough, and a cuddly sock puppet convinces $10 billion in venture capital to invest in a company that sells dog food over the Internet. On the other hand, Barry Bonds is still fighting the negative publicity from his 1996 appearance in the infamous "I Love 'Roids!" ad campaign for Polaroid film.

The bad news is this weekend, the coldest airmass thus far this fall will spread over central New Jersey, bringing highs in the upper 50s and lows in the mid 30s each day, with clear and dry conditions.

The good news is that you don't need to brave the chill to sample Princeton's most colorful outdoor advertising, as a helpful guide to the highs and lows of this year's crop of freshman class campaign posters is reproduced below. Vote or die!

Grading rubric: Points awarded for subversion and satire of the election process, and references to Lite-Brite, Extreme Championship Wrestling, micronations, Flava Flav's clock bling, remoras, Clamato, the Boxcar Children, Disco Demolition Night and the 1982 Knoxville World Fair.

Points subtracted for pandering, use of the numeral "4" in place of the preposition "for," and images of Calvin peeing on the Chevy logo.

Strained puns based on your monosyllabic/Asian last name, various: You know the type, the guy's name is Jimmy Pad and his catchphrase is "Help me PAD my resume, vote Jimmy."

Anyway, these are too dull to rate individually. You know who you are, and all get, oh, 3s. (Exception: "Let your Wang do the thinking" gets a 7.3.)

"Public Events for Glorious People," Patrick van Nieuwenhuizen: So few appreciate the lost goldmine of kitsch that is the propaganda of the former Soviet Union. Could have been better if it had incorporated the Buran. 8.5.

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"TATE 4 VP," James Tate: If you had seven seconds to whip up a campaign, you'd probably open Word and type your name in 96-point Helvetica. In a significant step up from this minimum level of effort, Tate added a shadow effect, which he no doubt had to use the formatting menu to access. 0.4.

"Hummer for Treasurer," Merritt Hummer: Is a picture of a gas-guzzling SUV appropriate? Seems like what this really says is "Wasteful accounting, Vote for Hummer!" 4.1.

"Disappointed by the Street?" Vanessa Folkerts: A welcome change from the HAI GUYZ U LIKE BEER ME 2 VOTE 4 ME LOL trope. Will she win? I doubt it, but give it at least a shiny new 8.1 for trying.

"Pick-a-Chou:" While basing your campaign on Pokemon appeals to the critical 12-14 year-oldswing voter, Chou may as well have posted fliers reading, "Dear Ladies, please do not vote for me." This also goes for the guy who claimed an endorsement from Yuh-Gi-Oh! 2.7, and please fire Bob Shrum immediately.