'40 Year Old Virgin' actor offers advice

"I love ... carpet. I love lamp! I love lamp."

Anyone who has seen "Anchorman" surely remembers Brick Tamland, Will Ferrell's bizarre sidekick. Steve Carell, the genius behind the idiot, was stuck for years in similarly minor roles in productions like "Bruce Almighty" and "The Daily Show." But recently — and thankfully, for anyone with a sense of humor — the success of his major roles in the "The 40 Year Old Virgin" and NBC's "The Office" has shot Carell into the spotlight.

I had the chance to participate in a recent conference call with Carell. He spoke on a variety of subjects: his favorite TV shows, his aspirations, his thoughts on comedy. But after listening to him talk for over an hour, I noticed something peculiar: he wasn't just talking about himself, he was offering helpful advice for college students. And many of Steve's comments were peculiarly well suited to the lives of Princeton students. Take a look:

Steve on money (for future i-bankers):

Student: Do you ever miss the good old days?

Steve: No, no. The money wasn't as good in the good old days.

Steve on embarrassingly old virgins (for MAE majors):

"Um ... keep on trucking?"

Steve on chest waxing (for Juan Gonzalez and future participants in public chest waxing extravaganzas):

"People were giving me advice, mostly women, telling me to trim it down, saying you might want to take some Advil ... and I disregarded all the helpful hints. It was excruciatingly painful. I have a deep, deep respect for women that they can do that on a regular basis."

Steve on frat parties (for Pi Phi pledges):

"The first frat party I ever went to ... I was not aware of the term grain alcohol. I was tasting this punch that was served up in garbage cans lined with plastic bags. I thought 'Boy, I really can't taste much alcohol in this, so I'm going to have to drink a lot.' The next thing I remember I was literally rolling back to my dorm. I woke up in a bed covered with leaves and grass, fully clothed, and I don't know really what happened except that it involved a lot of vomiting and a lot of rolling."

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Steve on Having a serious career (for French & Italian majors):

Student: Do you have plans for any serious roles?

Steve: Not really.

Steve on temptation (for TI members):

"I wouldn't have done anything differently, and that includes drugs, alcohol and sex. I had a good amount of all of them."

Steve on convincing yourself that you've made it big (for Theater majors):

"I did a McDonald's commercial advertising triple burgers, and I had three arms. At that moment I thought: 'I've done it, there's no way I could have achieved a higher goal.' I was very proud of my work, and I ate several triple cheeseburgers that afternoon."

Steve on overexposure (for Jonathan Safran Foer):

"My goal is to pack in as much as possible, then disappear in a fiery wreck of a career."

Steve on mythology (for Classics majors):

"You know who Brick is? Brick is the Minotaur. I don't think everyone completely understands the Minotaur. He's sort of half man, half beast, in a way, and I think Brick is mostly beast and mostly ... man? I don't even know what I'm talking about."

Steve on nutrition (for anyone who's ever eaten in a dining hall):

"I ate a big red candle."

Steve on awkward situations (for everyone):

"I remember one specific memory from kindergarten ... I was walking along the edge of a sandbox, but I fell on top of the sandbox with my legs in a split. I had to go to the nurse and I had a cut ... on my ... on my private parts."

Finally! Princeton students have an outsider who understands the difficulties, the barriers, the trials and tribulations of one who calls this orange and black paradise 'home.' But if, despite Steve's brilliant advice, you still feel helpless, overwhelmed and lost, just take comfort in this last bit of advice: "There's a little bit of Brick in everyone."