In a joint press conference held yesterday, officers of Cottage Club and the LGBT announced they had struck a deal to foster inclusivity and, some suspect, better Bicker numbers.
"This is something we've been considering for a long time," Cottage president Turnbull Smythe said.
LGBT chair Lymon Marcus was equally enthused.
"We're all about diversity, and in recent years our members have tended to stick to only a few clubs," she said. "We understand Cottage to be a bastion of open-mindedness on the Street, and we're looking forward to breaking down the gates come February."
But some cynical commentators have pointed out that Cottage may be trying to boost its Bicker numbers, which have been heading steadily downward since last century.
"Honestly, we've been taking everything that comes our way," said a comely girl who wished to be identified only as a Theta. "We took, like Tri-Delts and Latinos and stuff."
"If this means we're popular again, I'm all for it," she added.
Opinion in the club was mixed. Several members, speaking on condition of anonymity, said they secretly hoped the move would bring a modicum of culture to the dining hall.
"Maybe they could like, Queer Eye some of the athletes and stuff. Don't they do that? You know, with the wine guy and that other guy . . ." one member asked, her voice trailing off as she turned every ounce of attention she could muster back to her sociology textbook.
Several LGBT members were already making plans for updating the club's social scene.
"I really think they need a new tap room," Angela said. "And when's their drag ball again?"
Smythe summed up the feelings of the club in his closing statement.
"You know, it's 2005 and stuff. We have to be totally open to homos and stuff. Homosexuals. For real." This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's 2005 Joke Issue.
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