Romance may not be what we think

Not so very long ago, the idea of "Romance" centered upon the basics: your age when you were betrothed, your rank in the family business and how much wrist you got to see while dancing in parallel lines. Now, however, Romance has evolved from courting and asking permission to whimsical fairy tales and offbeat proposals. With flowery chick lit and swoon-worthy cinematic plot lines spiraling further and further from reality, can we even tell where reality is anymore? Have Hugh Grant, Tom Cruise and Richard Gere ruined the idea of reasonable expectations? Or is there a reason to hope for the fantastical? Will we ever enter secret gardens, climb fire escapes or be had at hello? Where exactly does the chick flick meet real life?

The most hopeless romantic I know had the chance to experience that fine line last week. She, who dreams of great, creative, wonderful things, received a box with a note inside from a long-ago ex-boyfriend who has apparently been pining away since they broke-up. The note began, "Every couple has a love story, we could be living ours." Looking in the box, she saw letters. Stacks of letters. Letters for all the days they'd been apart and, let me assure you, that's been well over a year.

Of course, the girls are ecstatic. We're already four steps ahead talking about how great the story would be when someone pipes up, "Um, y'all remember him right? We didn't like him very much . . . "

Clouded by the thoughts of sharing ribbon-tied letters with future grandchildren, we'd forgotten that chick flick plots are occasionally best left in the theaters.

Other couples, however, live their own romantic comedies everyday. On campus, there are men who have staged first dates inquiries using the tours they were currently leading, launched relationships by perfectly emulating the story line of "You've Got Mail" (down to carrying a stuffed dog through Central Park at the end), and placed weekly standing orders at flower stores on Nassau Street. While we all love hearing the stories, is that what girls really want?

"No, no scenes. And certainly no stuffed dogs." "It's cute! He was barking as he ran towards her? Oh my gosh I'd cry." "Who on earth watches You've Got Mail?"

Hm. No wonder guys can get a little confused. What then, if anything specific, is important, or even desired in a wooing scenario?

"You've got it all wrong," said my goto Don Juan, willing to speak for ladies everywhere. "Girls think they want to be swept off their feet, but what about the other 364 days of the year? And what about wooing me for once? It's always right to go with simplicity."

Dubious of his advice, as "simple" is rarely a term used by girls in describing their best dates or ideal courtship plots, I asked around. The consensus? Girls think they want to be won, but (luckily?) boys know what they really need is steady attention, free from those illustrious moments of pure fantasy that always get us thinking too much, and them into trouble.

So let's be honest, the box of letters didn't erase the pain of a hard breakup anymore than flowers successfully transform forgotten birthdays into happy moments. That's not to say that sugarcoating doesn't make it go easier. To the boyfriends reading: Do you really think she keeps that vase around for decoration?

While the great scenes of Romance might never be truly emulated, there is hope for a balance within that same dashing, debonair seduction ritual of pursuing that each of us secretly desires. After all, I'm not claiming to want a man to save me from the streets, give me unlimited credit, or ride up on today's version of the white horse. (Then again, I'm not a prostitute on Rodeo Drive.)

Perhaps it's not the chick flick we want, but the creativity behind it, the extra thought beyond the eating club or Café Viv. Granted, if all else fails, The Flower Station is right around the corner and most dorms do have fire escapes. Maybe the fantastical isn't so out of reach after all. Ashley Johnson is an English Major from Florence, Ala. She can be reached at ajohnson@princeton.edu.