Indian students discuss pros, cons of arranged marriages

In her school in India, Arthi Ramachandran '08 didn't talk to boys. She would walk to school through the hot streets of Chennai, a city in southern India, covered in a salwar kameez — traditional Indian garb concealing most of her form — so men wouldn't look her way.

Where Ramachandran is from, arranged marriages are still an accepted and prevalent Indian cultural custom.

But when she arrived at the University this fall, she was in for a world of change. For her roommates, like most Princeton students, relationships are a part of everyday life. But for Ramachandran and a handful of students of Indian heritage, they are only an afterthought.

"More attention should be given to studies than boys," she said.

Though she lived in the United States as a child, Ramachandran's parents moved the family back to Chennai for her schooling "because they wanted [me] to experience our own culture," she said.

The practice of arranging marriages, which continues in many families despite India's increasing Westernization, has both practical and cultural rationales. Marriages are meant to carry on a family's status and secure its financial future, students explained.

In addition, Ramachandran said, "In a lot of ways it's easier. I don't have pressure to look for a boyfriend."

This is not the case for all students from India, however. Dating is increasingly accepted as Western culture continues to seep into urban areas and traditional societal mores give way.

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"If the world was a perfect place I would marry who my parents wanted," Ritu Kamal '07 said. But Kamal said her ambivalent attitude toward her expected arranged marriage is not as upsetting as it might have been for her parents' generation.

Kamal said she has many cousins who were also educated in the United States and their willingness to date has helped to soften the image of dating. Moreover, Kamal said, the custom itself has begun to loosen as families allow more suitors and give more weight to the child's feelings.

The question of love poses a challenge to arranged marriages. Ruknimi Reddy '07, who says she does not think about it much, said she sees love as central to marriage.

"How can you marry someone you've only met four times?" Reddy asked in reference to the few meetings that occur prior to many arranged marriages.

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But she was quick to qualify her statement. Reddy said she saw "how love could happen along the way," and was comforted by the fact that turning down an arranged marriage was increasingly acceptable.

However, not all Indian students agreed.

"I really don't see [love] as a major factor," Ramachandran said. "What I look for in a marriage is stability."

Reddy said she recognizes that marriage is a long way off — most expecting arranged marriages know their careers come first. She said she "didn't want to think about it much."

Kamal, an electrical engineering major who plans to get her Ph.D. in the United States, said she will deal with marriage when she returns to India.

Where she is from, in the highly Westernized city of Mumbai, she said many youths are getting "a love marriage if it's not an arranged marriage [they want]."

But for Ramachandran, who also plans to finish her studies in the United States, her arranged marriage with a man still to be determined will be a relief.

"A lot of stress is put on education [for me], so you don't have time to think about boys," she said.