My first thought on Princeton addressing grade inflation: good luck underclassmen, because I'm out of here. My second thought: how is it possible to halt grade inflation at a school where everything is absurdly inflated?
Let's look at our beautiful campus. If only one third of all work can be called excellent next year, then at least a tenth of campus should be kept green and open. Construction inflation is just as big an issue on campus as grade inflation, with buildings going up quicker than an English major's GPA. Between Whitman College, the new Genomics Center, the Ellipse and the countless other projects around campus, outdoor areas are harder to find than a sober kid at the Wa on a Saturday night.
Then there's the issue of email account inflation. Each year, my inbox becomes more cluttered with email from various student organizations. What exactly is MIMA and why am I on its email list? It's gotten to the point where I'm happy when I get emails about Christian debt management (whatever that is) simply because it's not from a campus group.
The problem of inflation is just as acute when it comes to the collection of publications and fliers outside my door on any given morning. Publication inflation has been occurring since my freshman year, with the stack of paper blocking my route to the bathroom rising at a constant rate. After using the various campus weeklies and monthlies for everything from kindling to bookends, I'm still left with enough paper to nicely carpet my cozy single.
Everything about Princeton students themselves is inflated as well. Our egos grow at incredible rates over time, until the job hunt senior year. Many have trust funds that rise just as quickly.
A visit to thefacebook.com perfectly demonstrates Princeton students' need to inflate everything. This website shows friend inflation, with students listing "friends" that stretch the definition of the word. I have friends listed on facebook.com that I've never met. A certain David Gordon has well over 450 friends, yet after some quick detective work, none of these "friends" seem to know who he his.
We're all experts at inflating credentials. You did it to get into Princeton, and you're going to do it again to score a job after school. Each year it gets tougher to get into Princeton, so clearly credential inflation grows at an equal rate.
The thesis, an integral aspect of the Princeton experience, is an exercise in inflation. How to inflate information worthy of a 10 page paper into a 100 page masterpiece is the name of the game.
Speaking of which, thesis binding prices seem to be victims of inflation. What is cotton paper and why does it cost more than cotton clothing?
Obviously our friends at the U-Store are no strangers to inflation, with the price of textbooks flying dangerously out of control. I still haven't completely recovered from the first time I "traded in" my textbooks "for cash" after freshman fall. If by "traded in" you mean "gave to the the textbook guy" and if by "for cash" you mean "for literally nothing," then yes, that accurately depicts the process.
Our sports facilities suffer from inflation as well, the size of the structures being much larger than necessary. Our football stadium is massive, but on any given Saturday it's emptier than a lecture hall after midterms.
Even our basketball team, the pride and joy of Princeton athletics, plays in a structure completely unsuited for a sporting event due to its absurdly inflated size. The cavernous space the student section cheers toward in Jadwin is a study in minimizing home court advantage. This for a team that needs all the advantages it can get. Not long ago we lost to Florida International, which raises an interesting question: Who or what is Florida International and is it an accredited institution?
Obviously grade inflation is an issue that needs to be addressed. If someone like me can get a good grade in ECO 101 without actually learning what real inflation is, you know it's a problem.
But it must not be forgotten that inflation and Princeton are one in the same, and addressing grade inflation itself is only the tip of the iceberg. Cullen Newton is a politics major from Washington, D.C. His column runs every other Friday. He can be reached at cnewton@princeton.edu.
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