Honeymoons on Prospect

It is Thursday, April 22, and Jessica Leutzinger '04 arrives on time at McCosh 10 for a meeting about graduation tickets. The room is dark and empty.

Leutzinger is confused. She goes to Frist to double check the email sent by senior class president Eli Goldsmith '04, but she has erased it. She asks some seniors about the meeting. Nobody knows about it.

A friend finds her and asks if she is going. Leutzinger returns to McCosh 10.

The seats are still empty, but the balcony isn't. It is full of friends. On the screen is a slide show of photographs against music, including Elvis Presley's "Can't Help Falling In Love", "One" by U2 and Edwin McCain's "I Could Not Ask For More," set up by her boyfriend of over three years, Joe Falencki '04.

Falencki kneels before her. He proposes to marry her. She accepts.

For Princeton students who are engaged, the college experience is fairly atypical. Concerns about wedding plans, career coordination and family planning trump theses and jobs. For many couples, including Leutzinger and Falencki, engagement is the culmination of a relationship that has lasted for most of their time at Princeton.

At first sight

Leutzinger and Falencki met freshman year at a party in Dod Hall. They came to the party with other dates, but they discovered that they both lived in Wilson College. Soon they began doing laundry together every Monday and visiting each other's rooms.

"We would do laundry together and watch Monday night football. Only after we started dating, I found out she hates football," said Falencki, a former 'Prince' sports editor.

From their first date — an on-campus Bob Dylan concert — "it immediately felt right," Falencki said.

Last summer, Falencki asked Leutzin-ger's father if he could marry her. This fall, they applied to be married at the University Chapel in June 2005.

"I thought, 'how Princeton' — We have to apply even to get the chapel," Leutzinger said.

Because of all the preparations, Falencki knew Leutzinger was expecting a proposal. Falencki had thought about proposing at graduation or a basketball game, but decided a regular night would be better, because Leutzinger would least expect it.

"I absolutely love surprising her," Falencki said. "Her face is just so incredible when she's surprised."

Intricate scheming went into Falencki's surprise proposal.

He asked Goldsmith to write Leutzinger the fake email, which appeared to be sent to the entire senior class, and even brought Joseph Greenberg, the University registrar, into the plan by having him reserve McCosh 10 for the night.

Next June, Falencki and Leutzinger will get married in the chapel, followed by a reception at Prospect House. The wedding party will include friends and former roommates of Falencki and Leutzinger, as well as Leutzinger's sister, Michelle, a member of the Class of 2005.

"It will be a very Princeton wedding," Leutzinger said.

Across years

When Katharine Roberts '04 met Jonathan Eastvold GS, both were new to Princeton. She was a freshman. He was a first year graduate student in politics.

They started dating that spring semester, about two months after they met, and are getting married June 19 in Roberts' hometown of Columbia, South Carolina.

"The first thing I always have to clarify, when people find out I'm marrying a grad student, is that he was not my preceptor," Roberts said. "We first introduced ourselves after a choir rehearsal for the Christmas Vespers service that Princeton Evangelical Fellowship was organizing."

Roberts and Eastvold had been involved in Princeton Evangelical Fellowship since they came to Princeton. But they had not met previously.

After rehearsal one day, Eastvold asked Roberts to have lunch. She accepted.

Roberts thought Eastvold was friendly, but agreed to lunch also because she knew Eastvold had worked for the State Department and was interested in possibly getting a job there, too.

"As it turns out, we had a wonderful lunch conversation that had little to do with the State Department, and we kept 'accidentally' running into each other," Roberts said. "We started dating on February 14, 2001, and have dated continuously ever since."

Roberts and Eastvold were engaged last July while on a beach vacation with Roberts' family. Early in the morning on the first full day of the vacation, Roberts awoke and decided to go for a walk on the beach. Eastvold was already there. Together they walked by the shore and suddenly he knelt in the sand and proposed.

"He had the ring in his pocket," Roberts said. "I said yes, and he put the ring on my finger and then scooped me up and twirled me around."

Roberts' serious relationship with Eastvold has led her not to go out too often to the Street, where she's a member of Quadrangle Club. But when she does go out, she tries to bring Eastvold with her.

"The one time I did get hit on was when Jonathan was out of town, and my three roommates and I went out dancing," Roberts said. "We stayed in our own little group, showing off our moves to each other, until a couple of guys came over and tried to get in on the action. I casually allowed my ring to flash in the strobe light, and they immediately backed off and headed for my roommates."

Across states

For engaged students whose fiances are alumni or from their hometowns, maintaining a serious long distance relationship can be a challenge.

"Being in a relationship with someone outside of Princeton in general is really hard," said Jordana Rothstein '05, who is engaged to Ira Bedzow '03. "I find it very difficult to balance the time I spend at school, seeing friends, and the time I spend visiting [my fiance]. It's also hard to do work on the weekends when it's the only time we see each other."

Yet a relationship outside of Princeton can also provide a different perspective.

"I think being engaged is helping me transition out of college, which after four years of being in the really privileged Princeton environment isn't easy," said Orly Lieberman '04, who met her fiance in high school 14 years after having attended nursery school with him. "Also, having a relationship outside of Princeton gives my life a broader focus and a reason to mentally and physically leave 'the bubble' that is life at Princeton."

Some students try to avoid the trials of long-distance relationships by living together, even when it's not most convenient. Netti Minsker '05 and Ari Herman '04 met at the Center for Jewish Life and plan to get married on June 10 in New York, a week after Herman's graduation.

Next year, they will move to Manhattan, where Herman will work for Goldman Sachs. Minsker will commute to Princeton for classes.

"Right now I'm picking classes for next year. Since I'll be commuting, I want to attend classes only a few times per week. That means I might have to give up a class I would otherwise take if I dormed in Princeton," Minsker said. "But as with everything in life, you have to figure out your responsibilities and priorities. Being married and building a home with my husband is the most important value for me. School is important also, and I'll make it work."

Compromises

Relationships often overshadow career considerations.

Though Falencki had considered working in politics in Washington, D.C. and Leutzinger possibly wanted to work in Los Angeles in the film industry, they both decided to work in New York next year.

Roberts also had to take into account her fiance's career in deciding her plans for after graduation. While Eastvold finishes his dissertation in Washington, D.C., where he will have access to resources in his field — international relations — Roberts will start her first year at Georgetown Law School.

In addition, Roberts said, "We had to consider not only what was good for each of us individually, but what would be good for our marriage."

"One reason I decided to go to law school this year rather than deferring a year is that I would ideally like to be finished with law school before having a child, and we had to take into account the possibility that I might get pregnant sometime in the next four years," Roberts said.

Though becoming engaged forces the couple to think more long term, this new perspective is welcomed.

"I love the sense of security, purpose and responsibility it gives me," Minsker said. "Being engaged has forced me to grow up."