For gay athletes, coming out often makes ripples, rarely makes waves

He was standing on the edge: both the edge of athletics and the edge of DeNunzio Pool.

It was January 2000, immediately after Christmas break when the athletes were returning to school. John Lurz '03, then a sophomore varsity swimmer, was standing on the side of the pool, preparing to jump in and swim laps in a seemingly endless practice.

While stretching with a few teammates, an older member of the squad who was already in the water shouted at the athletes beside the pool and said, "What's up, gays?"

It was not an uncommon expression at the time, more jocular than hostile when greeting straight friends.

But this time it was said in the presence of Lurz, who is openly gay.

After those three words were said, the group fell silent. They knew the phrase was inappropriate, but they were not sure how to react.

Looking for some sort of cue, they all turned to Lurz. They did not stare, but rather, wanted to know what his reaction would be.

Lurz understood that his response would set an important precedent. He could have been defensive about the greeting. He could have been upset or embarrassed.

Instead Lurz confidently shrugged his shoulders and jumped into the water.

He could have made a scene but did not. He recognized that the other swimmers knew what was said was inappropriate, and that is all he really needed to know.

After practice, the one swimmer approached him in the locker room.

"He came up to me later and apologized," Lurz said. "He was very sorry and said that he didn't mean what he said as offensive, that it just sort of rolled off his tongue. I sort of said 'Of course you didn't mean it.' "

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Lurz accepted the apology, and he and the other swimmer have long since gotten past the episode, one of very few negative experiences in his swimming career.

Lurz, and most other athletes who have come out at the University, consider their experiences to have been fairly positive. But they still recognize that the process of coming out on an athletic team can potentially be miserable.

In a community where athletes spend all their free time — practicing, eating, showering, living and hanging out — with their team, the fear of losing camaraderie can make those in the closet uncomfortable.

Hillary Reser '02 and Sue Dyer '03, former women's basketball players who are gay, said the reason there are more positive experiences than negative experiences is that people who think they would have problems coming out decide not to.

The two said though most experiences are positive, there is still a large number of athletes who do not want to take the chance that they would be ostracized from the team.

"I don't know of any awful coming out stories," Reser said. "I can't think of any experiences necessarily, but I know people on teams that are not straight, but don't feel comfortable in coming out."

Jen Neil '03, a softball player who is gay, said one of the reasons it might be harder for guys to come out than girls is related to a "macho" image guys are supposed to have.

"For guys, the athlete is supposed to be the big tough guy," Neil said. "It's sort of like that guys don't cry perception.

"Girls are just more accepted as a whole," she added. "They're more affectionate with each other. Even when they're straight, girls are more touchy-feely with each other but with guys, 'ooh' is the general reaction to someone who's gay. Even women accepting guys isn't an easy thing."

Another difficulty that can emerge, even in the fairly open University environment, is that athletes sometimes unintentionally convey the impression that being gay is not acceptable, even if they do not necessarily mean to.

For instance, if athletes are in a group with other athletes, and they do not think anyone around them is gay, it is very common for a type of "herd mentality" to take over, and for the group to throw around a few sexually related jokes without thinking they are hurting anybody.

Lurz says that is not entirely the case, and that they could be seriously hurting someone who is still trying to come out of the closet. A sexually derogatory joke, Lurz said, even if just in jest, reinforces the concerns of a closeted athlete.

"When you hear someone who says, 'Hey, gays,' it's a reinforcement of your own fears, self doubt and criticism," he said. "The things you are saying to yourself subconsciously and subliminally — you tell yourself that they're right and I'm wrong."

Another aspect that sometimes makes it difficult for athletes to come out is the social perception of certain sports.

"Certain team atmospheres allow more people to come out," Neil said. "There's probably more gay girls on a bunch of teams, but they might feel pressured to act a certain way.

"Football guys are pressured to be manly, tough and macho, because that's the sort of sport it is," she added. "They don't expect them to be gay. On the other hand, people think that women who play macho sports must be gay, and it might be easier for them to come out as a result."

Debbie Bazarsky, the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender concerns coordinator, said for some female athletes, this stereotyping has caused them to act more effeminate.

"The perception is that if you're a strong athletic woman, you must be gay," Bazarsky said. "Thus, more women try to hide this by being more feminine and dressing up. That makes it harder for those who are gay to come out."

Neil agreed with Bazarsky's assertion. Earlier in her career, she was a member of the University's varsity ice hockey team.

Though the sport is stereotyped as very macho, Neil says the team was very feminine and not entirely accepting.

"I played ice hockey here and nobody else on the team was gay," Neil said. "The team is very feminine here, which isn't the norm for hockey. I never felt like I fit in."

Though the environment might be very difficult at times for student-athletes who are trying to come out, few have said it is bad for those already out.

An important reason has been the open-minded leadership on the athletic teams in the last few years. During perhaps as short a time as the last five years, it has become unpopular to be anti-gay, and upperclassmen on athletic teams at the University have done a great deal to make sure that remains the case, Lurz said.

In Lurz's situation, the leaders of the swim team were friends with him despite knowing he was gay. These leaders set the example of accepting gay athletes.

"You know how each group has their leaders?" Lurz asked. "We had those guys on the team, and I was friends with them, and they were fine with it. So everybody else was fine with it. That's sort of how it worked."

Neil said younger members of a team look up to and follow the example of older and respected teammates. Good examples from them will lead to similarly positive reactions from the younger athletes.

However, the environment was not as accepting about five years ago. Lurz gave the example of a varsity swimmer in the late '90s who had a difficult experience coming out.

Lurz said the swimmer was not well received by his teammates when he came out. He took time off and eventually quit the sport.

One reason the athlete may have faced difficulty in being accepted was that the leaders did not set a good example, Lurz said.

These days, Lurz is no longer on the swim team, but not for reasons one might expect.

"People would often ask me 'So, why'd you quit? Was it because you're gay?' And I would say, 'No.' " he said. "I had a positive experience with the team.

"I quit because I'm sick of swimming. I've been doing it every day since I was five," Lurz explained. "People sometimes forget that being gay is not a person's whole identity."

Bazarsky would agree with Lurz, noting that one reason it is hard for athletes to come out, sometimes, is because they want to be known for their sport, not their sexual orientation.

"It'd be hard for a player to come out who's on a team because some want to be known for their sport, not their being gay or bisexual," she said.

In a way, the attempts for acceptance of the LGBT community are almost like practices Lurz remembers.

Just as practices got easier as he got into better shape, he said, the athletic community is gradually becoming more accepting of sexual orientation. Still, individual days can be tough.