That math guy movie is totally freaky

So, dude, like the other night, I finally saw that Princeton math guy movie. Y'know, the one they were making right here, like, just last summer or something? When the gladiator guy gave that chick the finger? So like, me and the guys are like, "Dude, if the gladiator guy comes here and gives a chick the finger, then, like, the movie is going to kick major butt. Like, maybe he'll fight like a tiger or something, right here in Princeton. A Princeton tiger." But he totally didn't.

I mean, I guess the movie was okay and all, but what they don't tell you is that it's really just totally freaky. Dude, I saw the thing like two nights ago or something, and I'm still totally freaked out.

Like the freakiest thing, though, is that the movie doesn't just have one freaky thing about it, but it has like a whole bunch of freaky things. Major freak-o-rama. Now, like the big one is that the math guy just goes totally nuts, right, and like half his friends and stuff are like just imaginary or something. But it's not like the movie lets you know they're imaginary right from the beginning, like he can see them but all the other guys can't. No, dude, they totally fool you into thinking that, like, the imaginary dudes are just totally real. And then, when it turns out they're just in this crazy guy's head, you're like, "Whoa, man, I thought they were real."

I'm not gonna ruin the movie if you ain't seen it yet or anything, but it's just totally like when in that movie with the kid who sees dead people it turns out Bruce Willis is already dead too or something. But like here, instead of dead people, it's imaginary people. And they got that other bald guy who's not Bruce Willis to be the Bruce Willis guy. And the gladiator guy is the kid. Only he's not a kid. He's a math genius.

But it like, makes you think, 'cuz the crazy guy's doctor tells this chick, like, "How would you like it if all your friends were just totally imaginary or something?" And I'm like, dude, maybe all my friends really ARE totally imaginary. So I turn to my bud Dave and I'm like, "Dude, you aren't imaginary, are you?" And he's like, "No, dude, are you?" And I'm like, "I'm not," and he's like, "I'm not," and I guess things are cool again. But still, I'm like totally freaking out that Dave is imaginary all the time now.

But then, there's this whole other thing that freaked me out too. When I was like a little kid, I was totally into this movie that was like with muppets or something, only it wasn't muppets. I mean, it was like the muppet guy doing it, but it wasn't Kermit and Miss Piggy. It was like trolls or hobbits or something. And David Bowie was like the king of the hobbits, which was really cool, 'cuz that's how I got into David Bowie, which is how I got into all this cool '70s stuff like Pink Floyd, and now I just totally spend all my time, like, vegging out and listening to Pink Floyd. Anyway, there's like all these hobbits and David Bowie is king of the hobbits, and there's this chick who's trying to get her baby brother back from the king of the hobbits and she's, like, totally hot. She was my first love, dude, no kidding. I was totally into her, and I was just, like, eight or something.

So, like, this chick was totally the love of my life when I was a kid, but I've never seen her in any other movies. And then, like, all of a sudden, there's this hot chick in the math guy movie, who, like, totally has a thing for the math guy. And I'm like, "Dude, where have I seen that chick before?" And then I'm like, "DUDE! It's the chick from the movie with the muppets and David Bowie and the hobbits and stuff!" And the freaky thing is she's all grown up now, and I'm all grown up now, but she's still totally hot, and I'm still totally in love with her.

But then, like, if she's hot now, and not old-hot like that chick in that other movie but young-hot like Britney Spears young-hot, then she totally must have been just a little girl when I was into her before. And that's just sick, dude, being into little girls like that. I mean, I guess it's not quite as bad, 'cuz I was like a little kid then too, but it's still just not cool. And it totally freaks me out.

Man, I need to quit going to these crazy Princeton math guy movies. They're making me totally paranoid. Michael Frazer is a politics graduate student from Riverdale, N.Y. He can be reached at mfrazer@princeton.edu.