Letters to the Editor

Cherish the New Balance 990

Perhaps you have sat in a room on this very campus, looked down and noticed that everyone was wearing the exact same shoes. Not just the same brand, but the same style. Girls and guys alike sport this shoe — the New Balance 990, classic gray with a big white N on the sides. The 990 is omnipresent. Among the treadmills, stationary bikes and weight machines of Dillon Gym's Stephens Fitness Center, sneakers of all brands move about. But what shoe dominates the landscape? The New Balance 990. Across the floors of eating club taprooms, shoes of all styles kick soggy cigarette butts and sift through puddles of beer and other liquids. But what shoe stands out from the others? The New Balance 990.

Feeling excluded from this exclusive 990s group, I threw my fears of conformity out the window and decided to purchase my own pair, even if mine would be sparkling new and everyone would know that I had just bought them and that I had only bought them to be cool. I saved up $130 and proceeded to the shoe store in town.

But, to my great horror, I discovered in the store that a sudden change had taken place. And oh, it was a calamitous one. The New Balance 990 had disappeared. No longer to be seen on shelves again, the sacred shoe had been discontinued. I learned that even the giant shoe store on Route 1, which had been selling them for a low, low $29.99, had already sold the last remaining pairs. My shabby sneakers had not carried me fast enough. Gone are the 990s. They have gone the way of the jelly shoe. In their place stands the New Balance 991 — also gray but more streamlined than the 990. And I tell you, it is not the same shoe.

I would like to take this opportunity to warn all owners of the New Balance 990 that just as your North Face jackets have been stolen by covetous students, so too will your 990s be taken, for everyone wants to join the group. Guard your 990s with your life. Never remove them from your feet. Someday, yours will wear away to bits. But while they still exist, treasure them as if they are the only ones on earth. Amy Gutmann Provost

New rules for fitness center

We, the trainers at Stephens Fitness Center of Dillon Gym, have received numerous complaints from students who work out at our gym, and in response we have just drawn up several new rules. We would like to inform you of said rules so that we can ensure that all will abide by them. - All visitors to the center should acknowledge our presence when they walk in. We promise that we will acknowledge yours. - All towels reserved for wiping equipment are not to be used to wipe sweat from one's body. We have noticed exercisers at Dillon Gym have indeed applied these towels to their own person instead of to the equipment. Please refrain from soaking them with unwelcome perspiration. - All men over 40 shall henceforth refrain from wearing spandex. - All weightlifters whose moans are loud enough to be heard throughout the entire center should realize that they are obviously not strong enough to lift those weights and should try something lighter. Stephens Fitness Center staff

Culture shock in the E-Quad

Our center of innovation and learning, the Engineering Quadrangle, has undergone a recent transformation that greatly disturbs the graduate students of the engineering school. We noticed this curious and highly regrettable change at the beginning of the month when we began observing men clad in black, sporting leather pants and wool turtlenecks, and women wearing tall boots and scarves. All wear tortoise-rimmed glasses. It seems the Princeton University art history department has invaded our sacred building because of the remodeling of Marquand. These art students do not come to construct technology for the future but to stare at portraits from the past. Oh excuse me, interpret, which means just about anything they want it to, depending on their experiences or their feelings. Art does not hang from our walls; photographs of the famous men who have passed through our halls do. Our building does not close at 11 p.m. so that students hoping to spend all night at a trendy club in the city can make the last train; ours is accessible 24 hours a day so that students can spend their nights exploring how one really makes trains.

Runways are for airplanes, not for men and women clad in fashionable attire that was just featured in the latest magazine. Sophisticated leather shoes with spiked heels do not belong in this edifice where serious students wear sensible shoes. I hope that these prissy art history students will develop blisters from walking so far to this oasis of learning and give up on the way. If that doesn't work, I will throw them into our state-of-the-art wind tunnel and allow them to interpret their feelings from that experience. Distressed in the E-Quad

Construction is pretty sweet

I have read many, many, many letters in your newspaper that say things like, "I hate construction!" or "Construction sucks!" But you're all wrong. I love construction!!!

Sometimes there are big cement mixers, which I like — but the bulldozers are cooler. They make a noise like this: "Rraawwrr!!!" Sometimes after night falls (around 5:30 as we have to be back home by 6) me and some of my friends go through the dumpster for old plywood and stuff. We're making an awesome headquarters where no girls are allowed. Once we found an old box and trapped my sister under it and sat on it until she cried and Mom said I wouldn't get any Pokemon for Christmas. Jimmy Faust '05