Terms and resolutions

Although most universities end their first semesters at the end of the year, Princeton remains defiant of the Gregorian calendar and rolls its academic calendar over in February. This turns out to be convenient, because I was too hung over on Jan. 1st to make any New Year's resolutions but still have the opportunity to turn over a new page and make my annual "New Semester Resolutions," which, for lack of any real Princeton controversies, I am sharing as this week's column.

According to recent news reports, the tradition of New Year's resolutions has witnessed a marked decline in recent years, and I hope that by printing mine on these auspicious pages I may reinvigorate a tradition of moral renewal that our University's founding fathers (at least Jonathan Edwards) would have commended.

1) Waste less time studying. Academic work is greatly overrated. I arrived at this conclusion while watching, of all things, Dubya's inauguration. According to the NBC announcer, "Big Time" Cheney flunked a course at Yale. Twice. Then he worked as a lineman. And see how much his less-than-stellar academic reputation hurt him; not only is he the power behind the restored Bush throne, but Haliburton paid him more money than I-bankers fantasize about.

2) Work out regularly. This is one of those resolutions that I make semester after semester. Those people who do work out regularly must by frustrated by the start of each term as hundreds of flabby individuals crowd into the fitness center. If I'm still sticking to this one on March 1, someone please take me to see a psychologist.

3) Use drugs. The ultimate coping mechanism in a too-hectic world. A friend of mine studying in Hong Kong reports talking with some alums who currently bank for an undisclosed high profile firm. They hold coke-snorting parties on the weekends to reduce the stress. The New York Times Magazine, my weekly bible, recently ran a lengthy article extolling the virtues of popping "E." My visceral fear of these substances is clearly the product of Nancy Reagan-era "just say no" brainwashing propaganda. After all, who wouldn't want to end up like the people in "Trainspotting?"

4) Spend less money. Another one of those recurring resolutions I have a poor record of keeping. When I returned from my lavish Intersession travels, I found that I had been "pre-approved" for two new credit cards. Why do I even try?

5) Eat better. Most people mean that they want to eat less food, or at least healthier food. I choose to adopt the French attitude, which holds that on mange bien when one's taste buds are satisfied. Out with the lackluster salads and grilled chicken breasts, in with the terrine de fois gras and filet mignon. Although this doubtless runs counter to the previous resolution, I hope that the Ferry House lets me keep a tab.

6) Be respectful of those who disagree with me. When confronted with opposing and often superior points of view, I generally resort to changing the subject or making rude remarks about the character of the person disagreeing with me. As I near my 21st birthday, I feel the lure of a more adult style of argument.

7) Spend less time reading the news. Most adults encourage people our age to keep in touch with the happenings of the world, but I suffer from the opposite problem. I read the New York Times cover to cover every day and incessantly check CNN.com for news updates, wasting valuable cranial capacity on trivial facts. In high school I read four daily papers, so I have been making progress, but still too much of each day gets spent reading about the same old wars, famines, earthquakes and Clinton scandals.

As you can doubtless tell, I have my work cut out for myself this semester. But I assume with those two great American virtues, pluck and enterprise, I'll be able to accomplish the ambitious goals I've set. I hope that all of you take heed of my example. Peter Harrell is a politics major from Atlanta, GA. He can be reached at pharrell@princeton.edu.