Clash Royale 100 Course to Be Introduced Next Fall

The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.

A beloved economics professor has announced that he will be leaving the field in order to establish the first Clash Royale Studies course.

The announcement came after a Supercell jingle unceremoniously interrupted the professor’s ECO 100 lecture last Wednesday.

Professor Minnie Pekaram knew that students were engaged in other activities during his class, but it wasn’t until he chose to examine the source of the jingle that he recognized the true problem at hand.

“No, no, no!” Pekaram shouted as he watched the student Log a Princess at the bridge.

“The opponent is playing Log Bait. Class, can anyone remind Payton what the word ‘bait’ means?”

Pekaram looked on in horror as Payton Winn lost his tower to an Evo Goblin Barrel and a Goblin Gang in the opposite lane.

As he continued his observation, Pekaram watched another student place a Three Musketeers in the back right without splitting them. Students reported that gray hairs were seen sprouting from Pekaram’s head as the opponent’s Rocket killed the Three Musketeers and did tower damage.

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“I’ve failed you as a teacher,” Pekaram announced to the class. “I’ve been teaching financial management, but what you really need is a lesson in Elixir management.”

In order to confirm what he had discovered, Professor Pekaram discarded his presentation and put an iClicker question on the board that read, “Does a Zap kill a Dart Goblin?” To his utter dismay, over seventy percent of the class answered “yes” to the question. Professor Pekaram promptly announced that he would be offering an introductory Clash Royale course next semester to fill in his students’ crucial knowledge gaps.

Yesterday, the course syllabus was released for CRS 100. The first lecture is titled “Clash Royale’s Best Card: The Credit Card.”

Elijah Bisulca is a contributing Humor writer. He’s currently struggling in Jungle Arena against players two crown tower levels higher than him. They can be reached at eb9742[at]princeton.edu.