The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Out with the old, in with the new. Octobersession has been announced for fall break of 2025 in lieu of Wintersesssion.
The week-long program will be open to Princeton community members and feature a variety of classes, activities, and trips for sleep-deprived, midterm-surviving students to enjoy.
“I’m excited to take Intro to the Dewey Decimal System,” noted Libby Rarian ’29. “I’ve heard it’s supposed to get really exciting once we get to 749-Furniture and Accessories.” Other notable courses students on campus have been raving about include “Cursive: What’s It Good For?”, “Balancing a Checkbook,” and “A Complete History of Sundials.”
In addition to classes presented by faculty, students, and community members, the program will feature an exclusive course hosted by special guest Mary-Louise Pennywell, the writer’s grandmother, who will instruct on apple pie baking techniques.
Also, for $40, Octobersession attendees can take advantage of several excursions through the Field Trips+ package. The package will include a trip to The Bent Spoon (ice cream not included), Harrison Street Park, and a specialized tour of Princeton Public Library.
The Daily PrintsAnything reached out to students to gauge excitement about the program.
“The Duck Duck Goose tourney they hosting [sic] gonna be so Ferda,” noted Buddy Lyght ’27. “The boys and I getting [sic] sendy all week and fading class, lowkey.” Further questions about why he would skip an optional class he had explicitly signed up for based on his interests appeared to deeply confuse and upset him.
International student Pharah Framhomme ’28 had this to say: “I’m honestly not even interested in Octobersession. Plane tickets home are like $2,000 though, and they won’t let me stay on campus unless I enroll in something, so I guess I’m learning about pickleball tactics for beginners.”
‘Prints’ reporters also sat down with Bjor O. Cratt, the Deputy Vice Chair of the Board of Executive Directors of the New Office of Campus Engagement, for more on logistics.
“We will, unfortunately, be unable to provide free dining services to those attending the program, but we will offer lunch and dinner options in Whitman dining hall for about $12 per meal,” said Cratt. “However, thanks to additional private funding we’ve recently received, we’re excited to be able to guarantee plumbing and electricity for up to 94 percent of those on campus during the week.”
Nicolas Rohou is a staff Humor writer who will be hosting his own course during Octobersession. For those interested in “The Art of the Snort: How to Get People to Laugh at Your Shitty Comedy,” he can be reached at nr9348@princeton.edu.
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