The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Advertising “Mushies, Not Slushies,” the Alcohol Initiative — part of the University’s effort to decrease pressure on students to drink so much they wake up in the middle of Cannon Green each Sunday — is funding a new student club encouraging the use of psychedelic drugs.
The club, Tangible Results of Interactive Psychedelics (TRIP) was started by astrophysics concentrator Mushra Yum ’24, who said her goal is to facilitate “tripping with friends instead of tripping up the stairs of McCosh Health Center.” She saw the Alcohol Initiative as an opportunity to expand her group of recreational psychedelics users beyond the basement of Guyot Hall.
While use of psychedelics is not typically permitted on campus, University officials experienced a change of heart after attending meetings of TRIP, according to a source in the administration, who asked for anonymity so he could “keep [his] job.”
“After hearing about psychedelics’ transformative effects on mental health, we hope that the new influx of students tripping balls will reduce the depression that reportedly 100 percent of the University's undergraduate population experiences,” the source said.
Students have mixed responses to the new club. While Ace Sidd ’26 welcomes the opportunity to “add color to this dark and dismal town by any means necessary,” Greene Raum ’23 told The Daily PrintsAnything that the new club might “effectively replace Terrace.”
Vitus Larrieu ’26 is a writer for Humor and Podcasts. He can be reached at vl7131@princeton.edu.
Read More
‘Magnitude 3.5 earthquake aftershock’ actually just caused by first-year merch drop
Sawyer DilksUpon further investigation, the University discovered that the cause was not seismic activity, but rather the Class of 2027 crewneck distribution that was taking place at the same time. In attendance were over 900 frosh, all crowded into the hallways of Frist Campus Center’s second floor.
Upon further investigation, the University discovered that the cause was not seismic activity, but rather the Class of 2027 crewneck distribution that was taking place at the same time. In attendance were over 900 frosh, all crowded into the hallways of Frist Campus Center’s second floor.
Heated political protest postponed due to poor weather conditions
Mya KoffieThe Princeton Students Against Major Unacceptable Political Issues canceled their latest protest. Their Instagram post announcing the change read, “on account of low-speed winds and 40 percent chance of rain forecasted for this afternoon, we will no longer be congregating around the SPIA fountain. We hope for better protesting weather later in the month. Please stay tuned for new dates.”
The Princeton Students Against Major Unacceptable Political Issues canceled their latest protest. Their Instagram post announcing the change read, “on account of low-speed winds and 40 percent chance of rain forecasted for this afternoon, we will no longer be congregating around the SPIA fountain. We hope for better protesting weather later in the month. Please stay tuned for new dates.”
Why didn’t the Easter Bunny visit me this year?
Sawyer DilksAs I threw open the blinds and peered into the courtyard, my perfect day was shattered by a starting revelation — there were no Easter Eggs to be seen.
As I threw open the blinds and peered into the courtyard, my perfect day was shattered by a starting revelation — there were no Easter Eggs to be seen.
