The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Advertising “Mushies, Not Slushies,” the Alcohol Initiative — part of the University’s effort to decrease pressure on students to drink so much they wake up in the middle of Cannon Green each Sunday — is funding a new student club encouraging the use of psychedelic drugs.
The club, Tangible Results of Interactive Psychedelics (TRIP) was started by astrophysics concentrator Mushra Yum ’24, who said her goal is to facilitate “tripping with friends instead of tripping up the stairs of McCosh Health Center.” She saw the Alcohol Initiative as an opportunity to expand her group of recreational psychedelics users beyond the basement of Guyot Hall.
While use of psychedelics is not typically permitted on campus, University officials experienced a change of heart after attending meetings of TRIP, according to a source in the administration, who asked for anonymity so he could “keep [his] job.”
“After hearing about psychedelics’ transformative effects on mental health, we hope that the new influx of students tripping balls will reduce the depression that reportedly 100 percent of the University's undergraduate population experiences,” the source said.
Students have mixed responses to the new club. While Ace Sidd ’26 welcomes the opportunity to “add color to this dark and dismal town by any means necessary,” Greene Raum ’23 told The Daily PrintsAnything that the new club might “effectively replace Terrace.”
Vitus Larrieu ’26 is a writer for Humor and Podcasts. He can be reached at email@example.com.