The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
For the 2022-23 school year, the Office of the Registrar has proposed new “0-hundred level” courses for those of us who no longer want the academic rigor of a “top-tier university.”
In the new “0-hundred level” courses, students will not be allowed to take notes, but will be expected to have their computers open to a random attention-drawing website, such as Cool Math Games or an online shopping site.
“These courses are geared toward people who open a Google Doc entitled ‘Untitled Document’ and don’t write a single note down for the 80-minute class lecture,” said one administrator from the Office of the Registrar.
Starting in the Fall 2022 semester, classes like MAT 002: Counting by Fives, COS 026: Making Folders in Google Drive, and CWR 002: Intro to Complete Sentences will be available for all undergraduates.
When news of the change reached the undergraduate population, many expressed their support.
“When I applied to an academically challenging institution, I didn’t realize that I’d have to actually be academically challenged. I think I’ve had enough academic challenges for now,” Fay Ling ’25 said. “Plus, these new courses will finally allow me to fill my schedule with classes that will teach me stuff I can actually use in real-life, unlike econ and practical ethics.”
These courses will all have precept sections, but your grade will be lowered if you attend past the first week. The lectures will only consist of back-row seating.
Spencer Bauman is a first-year intending to concentrate in Applications of Google Docs with a certificate in multiplication and long division. He is an associate editor for the satire section.