MY Room or OUR Room

Hello sweeties!

Auntie J back from her long-awaited summer break, eager to hear all about what you got up to on your breaks.

For those of you that don’t know me (and, really, how can you not know about me?), every week I take an anonymously-submitted question about love, life, studies, friends, and everything in between, and I dish out a fair heap of Auntie love to answer. So, if you’ve got something that’s troubling you, head on over to bit.ly/askauntiej, fill out our totally anonymous submission form, and watch out for an answer from yours truly every Thursday!

So, let’s dive in with the first question of this great new year!

‘What should I do if my boyfriend refers to my room as our room?’

It’s tough to say where your boyfriend is coming from without knowing in depth about your situation — this could potentially be a really cute way of taking things a step further, to show you that he feels you two are now part of one unit. It’s definitely worth bearing this in mind — he may be trying to make (what he believes to be) a nice gesture, and he believes the timing and progression of the relationship is good enough to be able to talk in this way.

For you, though, this could definitely come off as a hugely possessive statement that might be overstepping the boundary of where you considered you were at with the relationship, or with what you think is comfortable. In either case, it’s something that’s troubling you, so it’s something that’s troubling me. Before talking to him (and I think this is a perfect time to reassess together where you both believe the relationship is at the moment, and where it’s going), you should sit down and think about your own boundaries. Are we a unit now? Is it cool that he turns up whenever to my room, and sleeps over whenever he likes? For me, another hugely important question is this: are these boundaries mutual, or something he’s putting solely on me? Would I feel comfortable calling his room our room, or do I not think that way?

Once you’ve thought about what you yourself are comfortable with, have a word with him. It can be as easy as “hey, we’ve been dating for a while now, and I think with the new year, it’d be a great time to think about where we’re at.” Boundaries are massively important in every relationship; if he’s a keeper, he’ll want to keep the relationship going at a pace you’re both comfortable with. I hope I can give you a little bit of Auntie’s reassurance and say that he’s probably just so ecstatic to be with you that he wants to spend all the time with you he can. But if you’re not okay with that, that’s something he really needs to respect.

If you have a question about any aspect of life at Princeton — whether it’s about socializing, sex, studies, or anything in between, Auntie’s always got her kettle on and an open ear at bit.ly/askauntiej. And, going into the new year, my dear readers, remember one thing: