Ask Auntie J: Long distance relationship

Hello sweeties!

Auntie J popping in again with your weekly dose of wisdom with a plentiful side order of sass! Amazingly, the lovely people at The Street have asked me back for another week’s worth of solving the world’s problems, so don’t forget — whatever’s on your mind, I want to know! Head on over to bit.ly/askauntiej and submit your questions, rants, and raves under the cover of anonymity. It might just be your question that we answer next week!

And, although midterms are just around the corner for you little angels (Next week! Can you believe it?), some people still have time for things outside the lecture hall. As a woman of the world herself, Auntie J’s all about that life. Someone this week asks:

“Dear Auntie J, I'm in a long-distance relationship with my boyfriend but have found it increasingly difficult to maintain. I'm not sure if it's because I'm losing feelings for the person or because I'm too worn down by the daily grind of Princeton. I only see him during school breaks, but even that becomes stressful since I'd need to worry about plane tickets which sometimes poses a financial burden for both of us. I still love him though. I really think I do. I just don't know how to continue the relationship in a way to make myself happy. He seems fine with the current set up and looks forwards to after we both graduate and can move in together. I look forward to that too, but I'm simply not sure if I can last till that point.”

Relationships are tough enough as it is — the time commitment is demanding, the effort tiring — though the rewards oftentimes make relationships more than worth it. Hopefully, before you came to the University, you two talked about how you’d make it work, and (even if you didn’t talk), realized that the benefits of being together far outweighed the difficulty the distance was going to bring. Dmitry, Auntie’s roommate and long-distance guru, says this communication is essential:

“‘The only way we know it can work between us is to be entirely open. We knew that I wasn’t going to be able to answer the phone all the time, or that it was going to be tough on both of us not seeing one another for so long, but talking these challenges through kept us going.’”

So, my advice would be to have a chat with your man. It doesn’t have to be something like ‘I think we might be in danger of ending the relationship,’ but maybe something along the lines of ‘I know you think a lot of this relationship and so do I, and how do you keep going even though we don’t see each other very often?’ If he thinks a post-graduation life is within grasp, he should have a pretty good way of looking at things. In the meantime, however, make sure you’re seeing a healthy amount of one another through the magic of video calls and maybe even try something new! Letters, for example, can be a really romantic (and sometimes pretty sexy) way of communicating. Do let us know how you get on, and I’ve got my fingers crossed for you!

And remember,

Auntie J loves you all!

(P.S. — To the person asking about getting gum off clothes: put clothes in freezer bag, freeze bag, scrape frozen gum off with knife. Bizarre? Yes. But does it work? You betcha.)