Top Ten Reasons to Cancel Class

1. Goldman interviews.

2. Implementation of full-time Wintersession.

3. J. Crew sale.

4. Collective student crash after Luminate high.

5. All students fail to revalidate their proxes.

6. Chris Christie redirects traffic through Elm Drive.

7. Forbes construction maze envelopes entire campus.

8. The opening of the Chamber of Secrets.

9. Susan Patton sponsors all-day speed dating.

10. Shirley stages a coup.