Ask Alexis: Cramped quarters

Dear Alexis,

I live in an 80-square-foot single, and it’s driving me crazy. How can I make it easier to handle these awful conditions?

— Suffocated Sophomore

Dear Suffocated,

As much as that legitimately sucks, I must congratulate you on having a single at all. You don’t know how many letters I get about people who hate their roommates (answer: zero — you guys should really e-mail me). A small room is much easier to manage.

A way to make your room seem more spacious is to remove some of the furniture. If you do this, the furniture you keep will have to do double duty. Get rid of your desk, raise your bed, and use your bed as a desk. You’ll have to sleep under your bed, of course, but it’ll be kind of like a cocoon! Cute!

If you’re not comfortable on the floor, erect a hammock instead of a bed. That way, you can take it down when you’re not using it — think of all that extra floor space!

There are also many ways that you can avoid ever going to your room. The most obvious, of course, is to start dating someone. The nicer the room, the more eligible a partner. Window seat is a definite yes; anywhere in Forbes, a definite no. Once you’ve found a suitable mate, slowly infiltrate that person’s heart (and room). Leave a change of clothes in his or her dresser. Before you know it, voila, you’re not only in a serious relationship — you have a new room.

Another alternative (if you’re not feeling frisky) is to join a campus group. Many groups have their own room on campus where meetings are held, and you can easily stay there under the pretense that you’re “working so hard for this organization.” I’m pretty sure we have a hobo living in the ‘Prince’ office. He calls himself Jack Ackerman.

— Alexis

Alexis Kleinman is a junior who knows it all. She can be reached at akleinma@princeton.edu.