Ask the Sexpert: Apr. 22, 2010

Dear Sexpert,

My next-door neighbor has, shall we say, an active extracurricular life. I can hear him having sex with his girlfriend almost every night, sometimes very late, long after I've tried to go to sleep. There is no way I'm the only one who hears it, but I don't know how to register my complaint without making things really awkward. His active sex life is no problem, but I just don't want to hear it.

Dear Up,

Dormitory acoustics almost seem designed to amplify the sound of every closing drawer, slamming door and lusty coupling. It is a sad fact of college life that privacy is in short supply, and there isn't much you can do - or would want to do - to keep your hall mate from having sex. However, you have rights too, and among them is relative peace and quiet, especially during sleeping hours.

"Rights, Rules, Responsibilities" contains a substantial paragraph devoted to reasonable expectation of noise in residential halls: "Every Princeton dormitory resident has the right to a reasonably quiet environment in which to study and to pursue his or her other interests. The University expects all students to respect this right and to be aware of the impact of their activities on their neighbors." There you have it: It does not matter whether you are listening to "Party in the U.S.A," practicing your castanets or banging the headboard in a fit of passion. The simple truth is that any behavior loud enough to make the person next door uncomfortable is behavior that should, if possible, be hushed up.

So what do you do to take care of the noise without alienating your hallmate? While you can't always avoid awkwardness, what you can avoid is the kind of embarrassment that makes chance encounters in the bathroom unbearable. So be tactful. The next time you see your hallmate, ask innocuously if he can "be a little quieter at night." If he is reasonable and considerate, this should be enough to make him more restrained. And don't forget that these are the exact kind of situations your residential college adviser or dormitory assistant is trained to mediate.

As distressing as these circumstances are, you should avoid doing anything antagonizing. Don't call Public Safety or rap your knuckles on the wall while he and his girlfriend are mid-coitus. That kind of behavior will make the last four weeks of school very uncomfortable. Regardless, a mild intervention on your part should solve the problem right away. In the meantime, remember that good earplugs make good neighbors.

The Sexpert is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!