Dear Alexis,
My friends and I are having a tough time choosing tables for Houseparties. How can we make a decision without hurting anyone's feelings?
Dear helpless,
Choosing tables for Houseparties is like doing room draw for a night: It's always dramatic. First you must decide who your true friends are. You can figure this out by telling them that you've decided not to go to Houseparties this year. Whoever gives the best response wins. If anyone bursts into tears, they're definitely on the list.
If that doesn't narrow the playing field enough, pretend to pick people randomly, but actually just pick your favorites. They never have to know that it was old U-Store receipts, and not their names, that you were picking out of a hat.
If you're vain (what am I saying? Of course you are!), the most important aspect of Houseparties is the photo opportunity that it provides. Thus, you should choose the people you sit with based on how much you want to be ph otographed with them. There are two options here: You can go with either your most attractive friends or your least attractive friends. Each of these options has pros and cons. If you choose your hottest friends, you'll look like you roll with a cool crowd and will draw new popular kids into your friend group. If you choose your ugliest friends, you'll look hotter in comparison. It really just depends on what you value more: Popularity or attractiveness.
If I were you, I'd skip choosing a table altogether and just sit on a random hottie's lap. There's no way that could go wrong.
Alexis Kleinman is a sophomore who knows it all. She can be reached at akleinma@princeton.edu.
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