Princeton pranks

If I were an OA leader ...

If I were an Outdoor Action leader, I would begin by purposefully leading the freshmen in a circle - large enough that it would not be immediately obvious, but small enough that folks would, after three or four days, start to notice repetitive brooks and logs. Since I never learned how to properly use a compass (a device I still believe is operated by magic), this part would be no sweat.

One night, for story time, I would warn my frosh of an infamous hiker dude known as "the Virginia Creeper." With his giant walking stick and floppy hat, he is terrible in his hippie-ness and leathery outdoorsy-ness. He haunts these woods and likes to overtake slow and unsuspecting campers with the help of his silent Birkenstocks of doom and freakishly long legs. Also, his body is covered in hair.

In the wee hours of that morning (so called because they are a good time for peeing) I would wake up, do my business and then fashion primitive human shapes out of whatever was available: sticks and twine, tampons and hair, Twizzlers and spit — you get the idea.

I would carefully fasten these creations to surrounding trees.

That same night, I would also take somebody's bandana and fill it with sauerkraut and jelly (as a vegetarian, my moral code prohibits the use of actual innards). I would place this grisly concoction conspicuously, next to the trowel bag.

Then, I would sit back on my easy-rider portable camping chair and wait for hysteria to ensue.

—Allie Shea '12

If I were a preceptor ...

If I were a preceptor, I would have a ball with April Fools'. There are several directions I could take with this. I could combine my virtuosic math skills with my extremely limited English ones and try to convey complicated ideas. That's been done already, though. I could also make my class believe I expect them to read all 1,000 pages assigned and then pull a fast one by spending precept talking tangentially about whatever interests me. But that's been done, too.

Or I could take another, far less conventional approach. I might get myself an intriguing (as opposed to incomprehensible) accent and dress in a way that shows off my effortless sense of style. I would round this off by being an all-around sexy and engaging graduate student.

We would begin every discussion by enjoying some wine and incredible ethnic cuisine purchased from Wegman's supermarket. We would all talk about whatever interested us (from the week's lecture, or maybe not), trading questions of genuine interest and arriving at gem-like insights we would never have uncovered on our own. Everyone would leave feeling physically, mentally and spiritually healthier and happier. Everyone would look forward to our next meeting, certain to do the reading because precept was a blast-and-a-half.

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—Allie Shea '12

The Endless Crossing ...

The plan: Get a huge number of students — an entire grade, preferably — to congregate at the courtyard by Fine Hall near Washington Road. Create a tight single-file line with just less than a car's space between walkers. Proceed to exit the courtyard and cross Washington Road in said formation at a brisk pace. Block traffic. Endure the angry honking. Pray that the unfortunate driver stuck behind the sea of students doesn't become overly aggressive in a fit of rage. After crossing, don't pause - continue walking off to your destination of choice.

This prank is simple but incredibly annoying for the drivers stuck behind the parade. I usually prefer harmless pranks that won't ruin a late commuter's day, but hey, on April Fools' Day, anything goes. The key to this prank is a large number of crossers, and a certain nonchalant, just-got-out-of-class attitude. When done correctly, it will seem like some 1,200-person class just let out.

I admit: this idea may not be completely original (YouTube it), but I would like to see a Princeton reenactment of the street crossing that, well, goes on forever.

—Allie Weiss '13

Guaranteed to drive your friends crazy ...

Pick one friend and convince him that he's someone else. If you were to play this prank on a guy named Rob, for example, you would send out e-mails to all of the listservs, tell all of his friends and all of his professors to call him Frank for the day. Make everyone treat history-major-who-plays-lacrosse Rob as if he were mechanical-engineer-who-plays-soccer Frank. Ask him how soccer practice was today and congratulate him on scoring the winning goal last weekend. If all goes as planned, Rob will have a nervous breakdown. 'Cause that's what April Fools' Day is all about, right?

—Alexis Kleinman '12

Drunk Fool ...

Everyone knows that if you're drunk, you're blameless. Thus the best way to get away with doing horrendous things to your roommate is to pretend to be drunk. Pee on his laptop; eat his homemade cookies; shout his deepest, darkest secrets from the top of Fine Hall; climb into bed with him. This is your only opportunity to let the world know about the girdle he wears for "support." Just dab some rum behind your ears and slur your words — it will let you do whatever you want to him without any repercussions. April Fools', man!

—Alexis Kleinman '12

And four more ideas if you still need inspiration ...

1) Put up fake signs on the buildings in the junior slums, so that the same building has three different names and neighboring entryways seem to be called totally different things, and no one will ever be able to find anything. Note: This prank was performed by Henry Foulke Laughlin, Class of 1929. Unfortunately, the University never noticed.

2) Hand in an embarrassing object to the welcome desk in Frist with someone's name written on it, so that they have to e-mail the person and say, "Your Barbie doll was recovered in the East Asian Library."

3) Take a photo of your friend's door. Then print it as a life-sized, full-color poster. Put the fake door up in his or her room (make sure it says "means of egress" on it) and put a poster (of anything) over the fake door. Then wait for housing inspectors to come. (If you're really feeling adventurous, you could do this in their office, so they'd have to exorbitantly fine themselves.)

4) Tell your friend she looks great in her Ugg boots.