Lil' Wayne's 'Rebirth' makes a strong case for contraception

Where did things go wrong?

Lil' Wayne - born Dwayne Michael Carter Jr. - has time and again proclaimed himself the "best rapper alive," and for a while, I would've agreed. Full disclosure: Like Wayne, I'm from New Orleans, and, growing up, I watched a 15-year-old Weezy spit rhymes about Rolls-Royces and "bling." (Interestingly enough, Wayne popularized the term in his 1999 hit song "Bling Bling.") To put it bluntly, I'm a Weezy fan if there ever was one.

But after the release of "Tha Carter III," Wayne started swamping the airwaves, featuring on everything from trashy pop songs to subpar rap joints. It was overexposure at its worst; more became a lot, lot less. His rapping suffered. He sounded content. He'd claimed the crown and wasn't hungry anymore. Except perhaps for the face-saving "No Ceilings" mix tape, which came out late last year, Wayne dropped off - and everyone could tell.

And now we're here. Was it inevitable? Did fame and all that cough syrup dislodge something in Dwayne Carter's head? We're presented with this most unfortunate of stillborns: "Rebirth," Lil' Wayne's seventh, and by far worst, studio album. It's a record so utterly revolting that it places a massive question mark at the end of Wayne's otherwise sterling career. In short: This record sucks.

Fueled by some adolescent rock star fantasy, "Rebirth" is Wayne's miserable foray into some warped vision of "rawk" music. The man who dominated rap and pop charts just two years ago now warbles incomprehensible Auto-Tuned vocals over so-called rock production that sounds like a Weird Al Yankovic caricature of Blink-182.

And when you can actually understand Wayne, his heartfelt words dig deep into the human condition - or at least the condition of an angsty 16-year-old who fantasizes about the prom queen, revenge against the jocks and love lost. Sample lyric: "She stole my heart, she ran away, now I'm heartless, but fuck her anyway." (By the way, I'm pretty sure Wayne didn't go to high school, which could explain why most of the idiotic lyrics read like a seventh grader's notebook margins.) This all takes place under the purveyance of hip-hop producers, who, judging by this sludgy sonic mess, know little to nothing about respectable rock music.

There are few words to describe this ... thing. This is the most perfect of storms, the most complete perversion of talent. This is Michael Jordan playing baseball. This is Queen Latifah acting. This is Randy Savage rapping. This is "Rebirth."

Does it all suck so badly? Almost. But then Eminem steps in to save Wayne from himself on "Drop the World," which only really works because there's finally someone doing what he should (Eminem rapping). Everything else is so bad that I started thinking of "Rebirth" in terms of "before ‘Drop the World' " and "after ‘Drop the World' " to somehow temporally locate myself in this masochistic 45-minute travesty.

There's not much else to say, unfortunately. A couple months ago, Wayne was arrested for gun possession in New York City, and he's expected to receive a year-long prison sentence. Hopefully he'll go to his room and think about what he's just done.

1.5 paws

Pros: "Drop the World" is a sorry oasis in a desert of talent.

Cons: Don't put yourself through this tragedy.