Ask the Sexpert: Feb. 25, 2010

Dear Sexpert,

Recently, the friction during sex has hurt my boyfriend and me a lot. My vagina simply isn't getting wet enough to make sex comfortable. Saliva only helps a little, and aren't I too young to need lube?

- Dry in Dodd

Dear Dry,

Nothing brings a hot night to a stuttering stop quite like dry intercourse. Sex - like ball bearings, drive shafts and car engines - should always be well-oiled for optimum performance. The friction from dry penetrative sex can be miserable for both partners, and besides pain during the act itself, it can cause real damage to delicate tissues, usually from stretching and tearing sensitive skin (see "The Sexpert," Nov. 19, 2009). Women on the receiving end of vaginal intercourse should be wary because rough, irritating sex can lead to urinary tract infections, and anyone receiving during anal sex should make sure all fingers, penises, dildos, etc., are slick as can be to prevent painful and potentially serious damage.

Dry sex is often bad sex, and bad sex tends to encourage performance anxiety and discourage intercourse. It is very possible, however, that a short break from your standard routine with your boyfriend is exactly what you need right now. Vaginal self-lubrication is partly a response to sexual arousal, and if the arid climate of your nether parts is a new phenomenon, then it's possible that you and your man aren't doing enough to get you fired up before the act itself. Sex is like a night out at a fancy restaurant: You should have a few drinks and an appetizer before you get to the main course.

Spice up your foreplay: Start thinking and acting sexy long before you intend on getting down, and try second and third base with your guy. Most importantly, never discount the power of a really good kiss to work magic. You might be surprised by how much of a difference it can make when you slowly build up to the act.

If drawing out the foreplay doesn't work, you can move on to another option. You're never too young to use lube; personal lubricant is a wonderful product that can, and should, be used by anyone who wants a little extra slip during sex. There are dozens of different types with different flavors, scents and sensations, but a great place to start is with plain old KY or WET brand, both of which can be found at CVS Pharmacy. If you are using a condom, make sure your lube won't interact with it, and never use baby oil or petroleum jelly as lubricant on a latex condom. Don't be afraid to use lube; anything that makes sex happier and safer for you and your partner is something you should embrace.

One last note: If you're vaginal dryness is accompanied by itching, burning or other soreness, and these symptoms don't improve with use of a vaginal lubricant, then please see your gynecologist because you might have a bigger problem than just lackluster foreplay.

- The Sexpert

‘Sexpert' is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!