Ask the Sexpert: Feb. 18, 2010

Dear Sexpert,

My girlfriend has a really hairy bush. There are times when I would really appreciate her having less hair there (like during oral sex). How can I encourage her to trim it without seeming like a misogynist pig?

-Wonderin' Down Underin'

Dear Wonderin',

First, know that you are not the only one with this problem. The delicate topic of personal grooming (how much, how little) is a relatively common issue among couples.

The way to approach this really depends on the level of openness that you have with your girlfriend. Do both of you feel comfortable talking about everything (or just about everything) with each other? Communication is an important and key component of any healthy relationship, but the level of directness that the two of you use with each other is unique to your own.

If you are very open with each other, tell her that oral sex is more fun if both of you have less hair down there, since it allows for greater sensitivity. Focus on how it would be more pleasurable for her, and that you would love to be able to please her even more. Do not phrase it in an accusatory manner and keep the tone positive. End by saying that it's just an idea, and that you are perfectly happy to keep things the way they are if she's not into it.

If that sounds too blunt, try a subtler tack. For instance, you could tell her you're thinking of shaving down there, since you heard that being intimate can be more pleasurable that way and that you want to keep things neat and trimmed for her. She may get the hint and ask if you think that she should also trim. If she does bring up the subject but thinks it's too much of a hassle, try suggesting shaving each other, if you're comfortable with it. This can even be incorporated into foreplay.

Keep in mind, however, that the male ideal of girls being bare is most likely influenced by the content of erotic images. While pornography often depicts women completely bare, in the real world, girls have hair, and it's totally natural. Girls are generally not exposed to these images and films as much as guys, and so your girlfriend may not even realize you would like her to go hairless.

On the other hand, even if your girlfriend does know your preference, she may be uncomfortable going bare since it can be associated with being naughty. Physical discomfort could also be a problem; shaving or trimming in such a sensitive area can result in ingrown hairs, razor burn, cuts, etc.

If she does agree to the idea, have fun trying something new! But if not, be sensitive to her feelings, and realize that it is important to love her for who she is. As a caring boyfriend, remember to fully respect her decision.

-The Sexpert

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‘Sexpert' is written by a team of peer sexual-health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!