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The Real Sexpert

Ruth Westheimer — better known as Dr. Ruth — has been offering sex advice through radio, television and books since 1980. The 81-year-old, four-foot, seven-inch sex doctor is currently teaching a seminar at Princeton, JDS 315: The Family in Jewish Tradition.  

Q: Do you have any advice for undergraduates?

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A: My advice is to not rush into any sexual activity or relationship just because you are away from home and people assume you are in the library. My most important message is not to despair if you are 20 and haven’t had a love affair.  

Q: What precautions do you recommend?

A: Anyone who has just formed a relationship must discuss contraception. I suggest both partners, whether heterosexual or homosexual, go to the doctor. You really need to make sure that there’s no disease. There is a moral obligation to tell your partner if you have herpes or another sexually transmitted disease before engaging in sex. Rejoice when you fall in love, so that you can enjoy the relationship. And if you are from a religious background and don’t believe in premarital sex, adhere to that until you decide what is right for you. There is no danger of not being sexually satisfied. I really believe in the importance of your first time. You shouldn’t be drunk!  

Q: I don’t know if you saw the recent article in The Daily Princetonian about gay students soliciting hookups on the Internet, but what do you think about that kind of activity?

A: About anything involving hookups, I just have to say: What a pity! What psychological or emotional satisfaction can there be? My advice — and I’m sure all the Princetonians are going to love this — is, for anybody who is sexually aroused, bring yourself to sexual satisfaction (not in the library). Just masturbate, and smile because you can say, “OK, I know my apparatus works. Let me wait until I find the partner I want to share it with.” 

Q: How has discourse about sex changed over the years?

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A: I would say the same basic questions still come up; they’re still about loneliness and specifically about orgasms. But I would say that people are more knowledgeable and are more sexually literate. Of course, there are still many who come from cultures and backgrounds where sex is not discussed. 

Q: What are the qualities necessary to make a good sex therapist?

A: I would say take a major in a wider discipline, like psychology or neurology, and then specialize. We have the best data for teaching human sexuality in the world. But I don’t see any jobs advertised for sex therapist, so just get a broad degree in human relationships. Of course, I also believe that English majors should be interested in sex, too.

Q: What is the most shocking thing you’ve heard?

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A: I don’t hear too many shocking things. When I get questions about how many calories there are in male ejaculate, I just say I’m not a dietician. When I get questions about animals and humans, I just say I’m not an expert in bestiality. See? I get out of these things very elegantly, with a smile.

— Interview conducted, condensed and edited by Isabel Schwab ‘11.