Jada’s ‘The Last Kiss’: perhaps the year’s worst hookup

In the three long years it took Jadakiss to release his third solo album, one of the many issues between the rapper and his record label, Roc-A-Fella Records, revolved around the album's name. Having originally titled it "Kiss My Ass," the Yonkers, N.Y., native succumbed to corporate pressure in the end. "I had to change the name of my album," said in an interview with the music website Best of Both Offices." ‘Kiss My Ass' wasn't testing well at retail." It was apparently unclear who was doing the kissing around the Roc-A-Fella studios.

It's a small move, but it sums up Jadakiss' career pretty accurately: Over the past few years, the portly rapper has established himself as one of the genre's biggest artistic pushovers. His 2001 solo debut, rather appropriately called "Kiss Tha Game Goodbye," turned a rough, street-savvy lyricist into a toothless radio-rapper. His next album, "Kiss of Death," only cemented that image.

So for "The Last Kiss," it was appropriate that Jada hand over the mic to his record label. Unfortunately for him, Roc-A-Fella didn't quite know what to do with it, so they decided to do, well, everything. With an extensive guest list that spans Dirty Southern rap, East Coast hardcore and even bubblegum pop, "The Last Kiss" is the equivalent of Jada shoving his tongue down a date's mouth, trying way too hard to please but just turning off even the most attentive listener. The star-studded lineup comes across as overeager and leaves the listener with too much over-the-top production, too many sloppy hooks and choruses and too much commercial fodder to swallow.

While there are tons of big names on the album - Jada is unaccompanied on only two of the album's 18 tracks - the collaborations only weigh the main act down with unnecessary and unsuccessful attempts at radio success. Jadakiss' characteristically gruff rasp sounds out of place over glitzy strings, tinny horns and disposable choruses from his guests. The Swizz Beatz-produced "Who's Real" features a ridiculously asinine chorus, complete with computer-generated handclaps and a clumsy hook straight from the third-grade playground: "Who's real / Who's not? / She's real, but he's not / If you're real and you know it, clap your hands!"

To make matters worse, the record's producers copy and paste this same formula again and again throughout the album, pairing Jada with numerous rap and R&B performers to try to recreate his smash 2004 hit, "Why?" This is most glaringly obvious on "What If," which almost exactly replicates the lyrical structure of "Why?", with a string of hypotheticals starting with "What if..." Eventually the song descends into such a ridiculously boring and tedious exercise of what could be called "rapping," repeating the inane phrase "What if" nearly 70 times and never actually making it worth anyone's attention. ("What if Hillary and them was reptilian?") Even an underwhelming Nas joins in on beating the long-dead horse. By the end of the song the only question left is, "What if I could get those four minutes back?"

Over and over throughout the album, it seems that Jadakiss and his producers just don't know when enough is enough. "Can't Stop Me," "Grind Hard," "I Tried" and "Smoking Gun" all take the same Jay-Z-Beyonce approach to the "rapper meets R&B singer for radio smash." It's good the first time and all right the second, but the four tracks all sound the same by the end.

"By My Side" features radio-hog Ne-Yo and begs for airplay, but Jada's uninspired verses, Ne-Yo's plainly token appearance and the song's boring, New Jack Swing beats leave Roc-A-Fella a couple thousand in the red. In its desperation to hit number one, "The Last Kiss" overshoots the mark and tumbles straight into the dollar bin.

But what makes this lackluster performance all the more frustrating is that Jadakiss has proven himself a capable rapper, having released a string of rough, heavy-hitting mix tapes that make his third album seem like the product of a lazy meeting at Roc-A-Fella. Just this past February he released the fantastic "Kiss My Ass" mix tape that, quite fittingly, took his album's intended title. The mix tape finds Jadakiss in his element, delivering clever, confident rhymes over more hardcore and gritty - albeit less radio-friendly - production.

Traces of this other, rougher Jadakiss can be found on "The Last Kiss," only making the glaring ringtone rap sound all the worse by comparison. On "Cartel Gathering," Jada manages to holds his ground next to masterful appearances from Wu-Tang Clan members Ghostface Killah and Raekwon. And alongside an impressive verse from Lil Wayne on "Death Wish," Jada delivers a less-than-stellar performance that still stands head-and-shoulders above the rest of his verses on the album.

Though he may not sound as nimble as Wayne, as experienced as Ghostface or even as energetic as Young Jeezy on "Something Else," it's among these expert rappers that Jadakiss actually performs as he should, as a thug among thugs, not a confused gangster stumbling through an overproduced Candyland. On "Cartel Gathering," Jada confidently spits a slick but telling rhyme: "I'm a pioneer; I'm not a vet / Last kiss is a French one, not a peck." Indeed, Jada can lay a verse like few others, but perhaps he should stick with kisses and not dabble in tonsil hockey. Releasing records like these, he won't be getting any more dates.

2 paws

Pros: Heavy verses hold up next to some of the industry's best.