Hey prefrosh, preview this!

You must learn to act like a Princetonian. Based on the performance of last week’s prefrosh, I have zero confidence that you could do this so quickly on your own. And that’s OK — becoming a Princetonian is a process, and a rewarding one. That’s why I’m here to offer you some tips on how to blend in, get around and own this campus.

Most obviously, don’t walk around with your parents. That is a dead giveaway that you’re not a college student. Do, however, always wear that lanyard you received earlier from the Office of Admission. Believe it or not, lanyards come in handy quite often around here. I can’t divulge why in print, but ask your host.

Be outgoing. I know this can be an overwhelming environment, but put yourself out there and meet every student you can. Tell them how many 5s you got on your AP tests and how hard your IB program was. Share your passion for majoring in the Wilson School with certificates in finance and African studies. And don’t forget to ask them about themselves (GPA, quintile, extracurricular activities, life goals). Seniors are about to graduate. What are their plans for next year? How are juniors’ JPs going? And how did sophomores enjoy bicker?

Speak properly. If you’re going to act like a Princetonian, know the names of the most important places on campus. The campus center, written “Frist,” is actually pronounced “Freeest.” Whitman College residents always pronounce the “h” in Whitman, with a soft “t” and silent “w.” And ask students about Prospect Avenue, always referred to simply as “the Ave.”

Command respect. You might only be 17, but this weekend, Princeton belongs to you. Ask your host (nicely at first, but get aggressive if he refuses) if you can have his bed for the night — and bring a friend. Don’t be afraid to ditch anyone who isn’t fun. Heckle a tour guide and, when you see the architecture building, call out, “Why is this one so ugly?” Ask tough questions at receptions. Go interrupt someone random in the dining hall, poke him in the chest and shout, “Why Princeton?! WHYYYYY?!” And if you dislike an act in “This Side of Princeton,” do what disgruntled citizens everywhere do: Throw your shoes at the performers!

Own the campus. At Princeton, walking is a thing of the past. We use TigerTransit. The buses are so efficient that you can basically get on one and make it to your destination within three minutes. Ride every bus you can. Take a trip out to the unforgettable Forrestal campus and see where Princeton stores its gold, pandas and nuclear bombs. When you get back in the evening, try to visit an eating club. It will be closed and locked, so try the back, or a window. Where there’s a will, there’s a way. If you get kicked out, boogie your way over to the Wilson College BlackBox, Princeton’s Studio 54.

Walk the walk. Some things are out of your control, so you just need to compensate. You look very young, so step up the prep. Guys, pop your collar. (Bonus points for a double pop.) Girls, rock your highest heels, biggest pearls and flashiest purses. You don’t know the campus very well, but you mustn’t under any circumstances ask for directions or use a map. That is simply un-Princetonian. Instead, get on any TigerTransit bus (see above). No tipping, please. When you enter a dorm, by the way, always keep your prox in your back pocket and hit the lock by jumping into it with your butt. It’s not only fun: It’s a 200-year-old tradition.

If you can accomplish even some of these feats, you should begin to discover the real Princeton. You’ll quickly find that past the glitz and glamour lies an institution so magnificent that even Princeton Preview can’t contain its wonders. Bask in the glory. And before you go home, hopefully very much the budding Princetonian, go ask a senior how much she loves this place. Then ask 10 more. Look for the excitement in their eyes and the telltale smile when they say the magic word: Princeton. Welcome, prefrosh. I think you’ll like what you see.