Cereal, yes, basketball, not so much

Recently, I was perusing icanhascheezburger.com when I happened upon a LOLcat that is somewhat pertinent to this year’s Penn-Princeton men’s basketball contest. (If you don’t know what that website is, please Google it immediately.) The picture shows two cats wearing crab-shaped head coverings with the caption, “Can’t believe we both got crabs.”

I can’t believe we’re both 2-2. I suppose we all knew the day would come when neither team was the Ivy League favorite, but such a day is finally upon us. Here’s the worst part: I actually had to look up Penn’s record. I consider myself a basketball fan, but I can’t think of anything remarkable about this year’s Penn squad.

For the first time since I started writing for The Daily Princetonian, I will watch this game as a spectator and not a reporter. Instead of the press seat right behind the Princeton bench, I will be somewhere in the stands, actually allowed to cheer. And cheer I will.

Going into tonight’s game, I have a few observations:

1. I’m not a fan of the Quakers, but I am a big fan of Quaker Oatmeal Squares.

I will venture a guess that many ‘Prince’ editors in the past have bemoaned how unintimidating the Quaker mascot is. I don’t really care how intimidating or not a mascot is. But I must admit, I’m a big fan of your cereal. Quaker Oatmeal Squares are not too sweet, have a perfect hint of brown sugar and retain just enough crunchiness in milk. Plus, one serving has 16 percent of one’s daily recommended fiber.

But unlike the Penn Quakers, the fibrous cereal actually makes me give a — well, you know.

2. This isn’t like previous years’ contests.

This particular contest represents a situation unseen in many years: Neither Princeton nor Penn is favored to win the Ivy League. The current favorite, Cornell, has undoubtedly earned that expectation. But the Penn team that takes the floor tonight is not the same one that won the title a year ago, having lost the Ivy League’s two best players, Ibrahim Jaaber and Steve Zoller. With Jaaber on the perimeter and Zoller under the basket, Penn dominated the Tigers on both ends of the floor.

Now look at this year. There is plenty of time left in the season for either Princeton or Penn to come back on Cornell, but right now the Big Red looks almost unstoppable. Both the Tigers and the Quakers are 2-2, and both have lost to Columbia and Cornell. Nevertheless, I fully expect a hard-fought contest between some talented Penn youngsters and the mix of sophomores and seniors that Princeton brings.

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3. Please impress me with your originality.

The Palestra is one of those great college basketball arenas, but I’d hate to see your student body become just a clone of those morons down at Duke. What’s the easiest way to do it wrong? Step 1: Yell loudly. Step 2: Jump up and down. Step 3: Attract the scorn of every person with a shred of dignity. Unfortunately, we at Princeton take on the task by not showing up to our basketball games.

I’m happy to have taken part in this apparent tradition of dueling columns between our two newspapers. I only hope that the basketball game exceeds the dubious standard we have set.