Cease and Thesis't

Mitosis is (Spellman 1996)… hmmmm… mitosis… is…

Oh, hello Weather Fans. I didn’t hear you come in. I was just getting started on considering possibly beginning the visualization phase of my thesis, but like all spring-semester seniors, there is literally no activity that I will not engage to avoid doing real work. What’s that, Great Gazoo (Flintstone 1965)? I will be more productive after thoroughly cleaning every square inch of my room and doing unnecessary loads of laundry. Well spotted, my friend.

Alright, time to hit that thesis hard. Right after I check webmail, add the Hobos vs. Vikings application to facebook.com and read the episode summaries for every Season 3 episode of “Sliders” on Wikipedia. Oh hey, RealClearPolitics just issued a mid-late afternoon update! Mike Chucklebuddy press conference: “I don’t believe in significant figures.” Because every digit is precious.

Now that I’m an informed citizen, it’s really time to get serious about my thesis … mitosis is… or, as the Great Gazoo suggests, get serious about picking some good inside jokes for my thesis. Currently, this is a dead heat between introducing the analysis section with “roll that beautiful bean footage” (Bush, J. & Duke 1998) or citing Microsoft Encarta ’95, Disc 6 in the bibliography.

While I’m at it, I really should polish off that pesky AST -099: Stars for the Lobotomized problem set before buckling down. Ha! Mike Chucklebuddy would have trouble with problem 1: According to RCP’s late-early evening update, he doesn’t believe in dimensional analysis. Converting units? Nice try, Satan!

Now that I’m basking in a pyrrhic sense of accomplishment, time to really kick things into overdrive … by trudging through this weekend’s wintry mess to Dillon Gym. After all, I’ll be so invigorated by working out that future productivity will soar, actually saving me time (Laffer 1974). Why else would it be called thesercise? Besides, I’d rather not graduate than graduate without Buns of Steel (Workout tapes by Fonda et al. 1989, Mix-a-lot 1992).

I know, Weather Fans. I know. Mitosis is … mitosis … I’ll get to that after I put myself in the right mindset by watching youtube.com videos of the OMGZX world’s cutest puppehz, bunnehz and kittehz. Also, the Great Gazoo wants me to check out juicycampus.com (motto: “All the shallowness and meanness of IvyGate, minus basic literacy skills!!”), which has a server so slow you’d expect to see “Image hosted by Tripod” and “Top 5 percent of the Web” animated GIFs on their homepage.

And who wouldn’t love a website where half the threads consist of freshman swimmers leveling charges of “ur gay” and “no UR gay” against each other? Clearly, do not ask JuicyCampus for whom the gay tolls. It tolls for UR (Hemingway & ~*GoSsIp gRRL*~ 2008).

Yes, I just bindled Leif Ericson for +3 tramp points. Talk about accomplishment!

Ok. Time to really buckle down for serious this time. I’m not even joking you at all, for super-duper serial (Gore 2005). Mitosis is … um … this isn’t going anywhere. Time to change topics: Photosynthesis is the process in which photos are synthesized (Tanner 1990). Mission accomplished (Bush, G.W. 2003)! Now to sleep until noon.