The best word to describe the Bowl Championship Series match-ups in college football this season cannot be printed in a newspaper. "Mess" will have to suffice.
The worst part? I know these match-ups are terrible. You know these match-ups are terrible. How is it that the only four people who don't know that they're terrible also happen to be the four people who actually get to pick them? Truly inexplicable.
It's clear that the lineup should be Georgia v. USC in the Rose Bowl, Hawaii v. Missouri in the Sugar Bowl, Virginia Tech v. Oklahoma in the Orange Bowl and anyone but West Virginia v. Kansas in the Fiesta Bowl. Easy. It makes me think that, just like with the All-Star game selections for every professional sport, fan voting should be at least a component in selecting the non-championship BCS game match-ups.
These bowls exist solely to generate money. What better way to get people to watch than to give them the games they want to watch? The more I think about it, the more I realize this idea is one of the top-five no-brainers I have ever had.
Unfortunately, however, we're stuck with this system for now, so we must make the most of it. Without further ado, here it is: My First and Last Annual BCS Game Preview column. I've cleared out my inbox in preparation for the hate-mail. Send away, please.
Tostitos Fiesta Bowl: No. 9 West Virginia v. No. 4 Oklahoma
The good: The last time Oklahoma was involved in a Fiesta Bowl, it was a pretty good game. There were four crucial trick plays, three last-minute lead changes, two overtime series and one end-zone marriage proposal.
The bad: West Virginia — the entire team. The Mountaineer offensive gameplan is comprised of Pat White, Steve Slaton and nine other men who are told very clearly to stay the hell out of their way. Sadly, all 11 guys on the defense somehow overheard the exact same instructions. It can be fun to watch at times, but when it runs into powerhouse gauntlets like Pitt, it tends to struggle.
Over/under: Players getting anxious and eloping in the third quarter: 1.5
Prediction: Oklahoma 30-14.
FedEx Orange Bowl: No. 3 Virginia Tech v. No. 8 Kansas
The good: Virginia Tech is ranked No. 3 in the country, so it probably deserves a BCS bid.
The Bad: Three also happens to be the number of rushers the Hokies sent at Boston College quarterback Matt Ryan in the last two minutes of their game back in October, which allowed the Eagles to secure an improbable come-from-behind victory. Any team that consistently sends only three rushers at a QB with a pulse for the last two minutes of a game belongs in the Meineke Car Care Bowl.
Kansas, meanwhile, has not beaten a single top-25 team all year. Don't look for fortunes to suddenly change in the last game of the season.
Over/under: Size, in ounces, of the bag of Cheez-Its Kansas head coach Mark Mangino munches on out of nervousness in the fourth quarter: 14.
Prediction: Va. Tech 24-14.
Rose Bowl Game presented by Citi: No. 13 Illinois v. No. 7 USC
The good: Definitely the most intriguing non-championship game match-up. Huh? What's that? Georgia isn't playing USC in the Rose Bowl? They picked who?
The bad: Never mind, then. Illinois QB Juice Williams had one bang-up game all season against Ohio State, and the organizers think he deserves a spot in the granddaddy of them all. (Aside: I want to know how we tell when a nickname completely overtakes the person's real name to the point that writers no longer have to write Isaiah "Juice" Williams as they do for Ohio State running back Chris "Beanie" Wells. Who gets to make these decisions?) That said, I just read on Williams' Wikipedia page that he was 13 pounds, eight ounces at birth. No wonder he's so good at slipping through tiny holes.
Over/under: Will Ferrell camera shots: 9.5
Prediction: Slightly closer than most expect. USC 42-10.
Allstate Sugar Bowl: No. 10 Hawaii v. No. 5 Georgia
The good: Hawaii quarterback Colt Brennan could practically get to most away games with the passing yardage he has accumulated this season. The system he plays in helps pad these stats, but he is a legitimate player. Not only does he rarely miss an open man, but he consistently drops the ball on a dime in stride to covered receivers. I can only assume that anyone who does not recognize how good this kid is has never actually seen him play. Georgia, on the other hand, is the hottest team in the country right now, with the possible exception of USC. Ever since the Bulldogs' strange end-zone celebration against Florida, they've been rolling. This game will be better than most anticipate.
The bad: Actually, not all that much. This game could very well turn into last year's Fiesta Bowl. But then again, these are two vastly different programs. Hawaii's recruiting budget is $50,000. I don't think that even pays for the caviar on Georgia head coach Mark Richt's private jet.
Over/under: Hawaii signs alluding to last year's BCS buster Boise St.: 36,001.5, or exactly half of the Superdome's capacity.
Prediction: Georgia 33-30.
Allstate BCS Championship Game: No. 1 Ohio State v. No. 2 LSU
(Disclaimer: I'm from Ohio and a huge Buckeyes fan, so this is where things get serious.)
The good: This game could be a great one. LSU's biggest wild card is probably RB/WR Trindon Holliday, who is supposedly the fastest man on their roster with an absurd 4.27 40-yard dash. At five-feet, five-inches tall and 160 pounds, he is technically eligible for the Princeton sprint football team. Just imagine that.
Also, the Tigers' QB tandem of Matt Flynn and Ryan Perrilloux have been effective this season while All-everything defensive tackle Glenn Dorsey should finally be healthy after nearly two months of being hampered by injury.
On the other side of the ball, Ohio State head coach Jim Tressel might be the X-factor. That guy has led his teams to a championship game about every other year — for the last 18. He went to six I-AA championships in the '90s with Youngstown State and will be entering his third BCS Championship at Ohio State, making him nine for 18. I don't know how it necessarily happens, because his teams rarely seem to dominate and routinely look bad, but just as often as not they are sitting in exactly this spot at the end of the season. At some point, if you're in the right spot at the right time, time after time, you must be doing something right.
The bad: Almost nothing, except having to listen to everyone complain for the next 33 days, 10 hours and 33 minutes (depending on when you're reading this) that Ohio State shouldn't even be in this game.
Over/under: People wearing sweater vests: 36,002.5
Prediction: Ohio St. 34-27 in OT.
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