W.G. LXXXI: Full Throttle

Top Five References Not to Use When Hitting on Freshmen, Otherwise the Only Dating You Will Be Doing Is Yourself:

5. Bo Jackson's ungodly foot speed in Tecmo Super Bowl 4. Pepsi Cool Cans 3. B-drives/Windows 3.1 2. The California Raisins 1. Michael Lohman

Top Four Bill Nye Song Parodies:

4. "Smells Like Air Pressure" by Nyevana. Best line: "Now it's changing, air pressure, creates lift that we can measure." 3. "Blood Stream" by AB+. Best line: "Say what? Circ-u-lation." 2. "The Faster You Push Me" by Momentisey. Best line: "Weight is such a central part of momentum, whether you care or do not." 1. "Two Eyes" by the Eye Doctors. Best line: "Two eyes come with every baby, they're in your head now."

Top Three Frank Miller Jokes I Couldn't Work in This Quarter:

3. Something about Spartans inventing the Bowflex. 2. Something about other Ivies not adopting grade deflation because Dean of the College Nancy Malkiel's emissaries were kicked into a pit while Lawrence Summers shouted, "This ... is ... HAHVAHD!" 1. Something about a Frank Miller adaptation of SimCity2000 where you can build hydroelectric plants powered by the ever-flowing blood of your vanquished enemies.

Top Two Easiest Midterms:

2. CLA 219: Are you Spartacus? Why or why not? 1. MUS 103 [oral exam]: Clap your hands, say yeah.

Hottest Brand of POGs for Enjoying This Weekend's Cool, Crisp Weather and/or Fall Break:

1. The Weather Guy's Signature Fall POG Collection.