Day 1: Saturday, April 14
The cost of lemonade is four cents a glass (your mother is no longer providing free sugar). The weather is COLD with RAIN. How many glasses of lemonade do you wish to make?
Glasses made: 10. Glasses sold at 10 cents each: 2. Net profit: -$.20.
Day 2: Sunday, April 15
The cost of lemonade is now eight cents a glass (the price of lemonade mix just doubled). The weather is ICE COLD with FLOODING DOWNPOURS. How many glasses of lemonade do you wish to make?
Glasses made: five. Glasses sold at 10 cents each: zero. Net profit: -$.40.
Oh my little tycoons of both lemonade and rollercoaster in nature, I feel your pain, for a spring wetter than the Shamu Splash Zone and colder than the nougaty filling of a Choco Taco is no sort of spring at all. While some meteorologists ascribe recent volatility to a burgeoning La Nina, my theory is that Mathman was set loose in a labyrinth filled with many different types of weather, and to keep the unscrupulous Mr. Glitch at bay, he consumed April's entire stock of mild and sunny days, leaving naught but gray misery. Either way, last weekend's six inches of rain (No. 21 on VH1's Most Shocking Weather Moments, hosted by Darren Hayes of Savage Garden) has delayed the opening of the Peter Lewis '55 Science Library until spring 2011.
The good news is that for the upcoming weekend, our weather shall be made fresh, as if a vast quantity of Mentos were released into the lower troposphere. For lo, after Isaac's life was spared, the Lord sent unto Abraham a dove carrying a single Mento in its beak, signifying that all who consume Mentos shall not perish to lethargy, but share in eternal freshness. (Snackfoodeuronomy 12:17).
Persistent troughing over the East Coast is pushing away from the coast today, and the ridging replacing it will usher in a new era of warmth, dryness and very likely, more expensive lemonade. Highs will crack 70 for the first time in many moons Saturday, and the warming trend should continue well into next week. The bad news is that the slightly above average temperatures and sunny skies will no doubt delay the opening of the Peter Lewis '55 Science Library until no earlier than fall 2017.
Unfortunately, while weekend weather is perfect for an afternoon constitutional, the completely boring crop of campaign flyers has forced me to cancel my biannual poster-grading frenzy. I might have been able to work with the "Two Last Names, One Panda" (what, no pizza place? 4.7) and "Just Say No" (weird self-negation + Nancy Reagan reference = 6.5) posters, but, meh. You know what? You guys* just delayed the opening of the Peter Lewis '55 Science Library until at least winter 2045.
(*That said, I endorse Tom Haine — friend of the column — for senior class president, thanks to his forward-thinking pledge to implement the key Weather Guy policy of an attempt to break the world record for the largest pillow fight ever. Vote or die!)
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