Will2k6: it will forever be remembered as the year man went to five blades and never looked back.
Let's not forget about the twin moisturizing strips and the single blade on the back, important advances in their own right.
Also, don't forget the Mobile Leprechaun Infestation of 2006, which made all of us look deep within ourselves and ask, where da gold at?
Where da cold at? Well, while clear skies will make for ideal Jersey-evacuating conditions this weekend, it looks like highs will continue in the upper 50s for the next four days, and no level of nog-related impairment can make that seem festive.
This lack of snow is really at odds with the spirit of the season, a time when humanity comes together to celebrate the anniversary of galactic overlord Xenu's imprisonment deep within the Earth's core.
Ha! I jest.
The real meaning of Christmas is, of course, the birth of savings. For lo, the Three Wise Consumers saw a Red Tag in the skies over Bethlehem and followed that miraculous sign to markdowns of an additional 20 percent on items previously discounted by up to 50 percent. It was the 48-hour myrrh blowout, only at Herod's.
Anyway, in the spirit of crass commercialism, I offer the very first Weather Guy Generic Solstice Holiday Gift Guide. Don't accept inferior mammon!
Polonium-210
Ladies, does your man's alpha particle source have a half-life of 75 days? 50 days? Even less? Our NRC-licensed polonium samples deliver energy levels of over 5 million electron volts and a half-life of 138 days for months of mad science and/or nuclear blackmail! $69 from www.unitednuclear.com/isotopes.htm (Note: not a joke).
WMAConvert DRM-Cracking Software
The tools every Tiger needs to discretely violate international co ... I mean, hey RIAA, look over there! What's that thing? $15-25.
The Regis Philbin Christmas Album
Marinate in irony for 12 hours. Serves six hipsters. Also, your grandmother would legitimately like a copy. $12.97 from Amazon.
L'il Ostentate Home Monogram Kit
A perennial Princeton favorite. Slap your initials on blazers, polos, handbags, purses. Even luggage, you ludicrous popinjay. No need to abbreviate, Max Power: embroider up to eight letters at a time! $55 from Sharper Image.
Carl Weathers' Lean Mean Stewin' Machine
The culmination of decades of stew-related research by beloved faux-pugilist Carl Weathers, this crock pot's patented contours divert undesired lards, keeping your broth tender and flavorful. For home or alley use. $109 from SkyMall.
Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good break. As Tiny Tim would say, where da gold at, every one.
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