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I'm bringing weather back

Weather Guy: Apply directly to the forehead!

Weather Guy: Apply directly to the forehead!

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Weather Guy: Apply directly to the forehead!

Weather Fans, you're so lucky, you have no idea. After declaring my eligibility for the NBA Draft, I recanted and have returned for two more years of collegiate meteorology. I hope you had a good summer: I spent 67 days immersed in a vat of ketchup whilst breathing only nitrogen and new car smell. Wait, that was David Blaine's summer, my bad. And now, a special word to freshmen. Everyone else, why not browse the SkyMall located in the seatback in front of you?

Dear Freshmen: Congratulations! This complimentary Daily Princetonian is your ticket to Princeton's #1 source for news, sports, weather and, for the ladies, cash offers to purchase your eggs online. While I head up the weather angle, I'm actually not a weatherman; I'm The Weather, Man. Two motifs undergird this space:

1) The AccuCast 9000000000 Plus. Using the power of full Doppler saturation, I foresee today will be quite rainy, but that skies will gradually clear this weekend, with mostly sunny conditions for Sunday's Crazy Frog/Rihanna double bill at Quad.

2) Effluvia & Obscurantism. Today, I'm sharing my two decades of wisdom with you young bucks. To wit:

— The Fine Hall elevators accelerate and decelerate rapidly. Timing your jump for that coveted extra half-second of hang time is a popular way to spend Thursday and Saturday nights.

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— Princeton has Ents, not trees. If you inject enough Natty Ice into your eyeballs, they'll talk to you!

— Freshmen, while you might feel safer traveling in groups of 25, please realize this only makes you susceptible to attack by German U-boat.

Hopefully you get the point that this is basically the Prince's Mystery Box. It could be anything. It could even be a boat! So get your forecast on, because I'm bringing weather back. Take 'em to the bridge.

The Weather Guy is available at CVS and Rite-Aid.

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