Weather fans, you might think that because classes are over for the year, you're home free, but like an error bag of Cheetos on which the cheetah has set the cheese throttle to "cheesy" and not "dangerously cheesy," that's a critical mistake. Actually, all your hours of labor have brought you to the Lightning Round, where the point values triple, rendering all previous rounds completely meaningless. What tasks can you now expect?
Harry Potter and the Fire Stone: Seemingly, the only challenge to spending hours in the library is warding off deep vein thrombosis, but the Alcohol Initiative (motto: 13 percent less Natural Ice injected into students' eyeballs by 2017) has you covered. Following up on the success of the Dodgeball tournament, this Saturday Firestone's open stacks will be host a "Supermarket Sweep" style event, with teams of students racing to corral items like fifty pounds of microfiche and Congressional records of the Gadsden Purchase.
Two Points for Honesty: While Tuesday's concert featuring Guster hopefully proves both happy and frappy, I am forecasting extensive use of the ten most feared words in all of concertdom: "We'd like to play some songs from our new album."
The Real Lightning Round: The weather itself will be following suit, as a very rainy and stormy weekend is in the cards. There's a very good chance of thunderstorms this afternoon and again late tomorrow, along with thick cloudcover and little sunshine. Lousy weather, but somehow appropriate.
Proofs Made Simple: So you're asked to prove Poincare's Conjecture on a final, but like an idiot, you failed to read Cosmo's feature on 977 Hot Ways to Establish Continuity for Summer. What do you do? Remember, every exam proof contains the seeds of its own destruction: it's true by virtue of them asking you to prove it! Point that out and use the word 'trivial' a few times for good measure. QED, yo.
The $100,000 Pyramid: Not yet relevant, but a reminder that in just two weeks, you'll be able to watch Estelle Getty list things you might see at a Renaissance fair to your heart's content. Keep at it and we'll be done sooner than you can say "A- , A-, no whammy, no whammy, no whammy, STOP!"
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