Friday: A chance of afternoon storms. Saturday and Sunday: a little warmer, and finally drying out somewhat. All mornings: cool as the cool side of the pillow for you unfortunate souls with 9:00 a.m. exams. (A special note to members of the Class of 2008: Whoa-oh, we're halfway there.)
Why so little actual weather today/ this month/ this year? At 12:37 p.m. on September 21, 2005, Skynet became self-aware, and shortly afterward, appropriated this space to comment ironically on trash culture. Why? America's most profitable industry is selling images of the Virgin Mary in toast on eBay — you don't need to perform 3.3 trillion calculations per second to realize skewering is warranted. Right now, Skynet is directing me to award the 2006 Crystal Ligers for outstandingly bizarre achievement, and unless you're Sarah Connor, there's nothing you can do about it. Plus, winners receive a signed 8" x10" of Scott Baio*!
The Spuds MacKenzie Medal for Kitsch in TV and Film: There's scantily clad women. There's reggaeton. There's blatant product placement. One voice of decorum, reason and professionalism stands at the center of it all: Don Francisco. Mr. Francisco, you make every Saturday a "Sabado Gigante."
David Thomas Memorial Award for Outstanding Absurdity in Bidness and Technology: Go to school. Study hard. Get the right degree. Craft a resume. Interview. Be a team player. Work 60-hour weeks. Wait — why do any of that when Matt Lesko can tell you how to get "FREE MONEY FROM THE GOVERNMENT!!!" for just $39.99? Think of your wage-slave neighbors as you collect $38,000 for punching your uncle in the face! Or $129,000 for taping the episode of "Family Matters" where Urkel nukes Chicago off TBS! For rendering the values that made America great totally obsolete, Mr. Lesko, this Crystal Liger is for you.
Disappointed you weren't honored this year? If you use the phrase, "I didn't actually read the book, but from what I remember from Wishbone ..." on any English exam, you're my hero, and pretty much a shoe-in for 2007. Alternatively, you can bribe me with gold bullion, because it's a known repository of value in case of economic collapse. So, be excellent to each other, party on, dude, and may todos sus sabados this summer be gigante.
Postscript: M. Night Shyamalan surprise ending — the characters on Lost are actually the souls of dead whales! LOL! Bye y'all!
*Signed by me.
Read More
GSG approves audit, delays budget approval after ‘insufferable’ meeting
Nikki HanThe final Graduate Student Government (GSG) meeting for the semester lasted more than an hour and a half when discussions over the proposed budget for the next year and a proposed Student Life Fee of $100 turned controversial.
The final Graduate Student Government (GSG) meeting for the semester lasted more than an hour and a half when discussions over the proposed budget for the next year and a proposed Student Life Fee of $100 turned controversial.
Effort to restore chapel’s pews slowly progresses
Ben GoldstonHead carpenter Jim Sullivan has been restoring the Chapel pews over the last year. The dry atmosphere of the Chapel has warped the wooden pews over the years.
Head carpenter Jim Sullivan has been restoring the Chapel pews over the last year. The dry atmosphere of the Chapel has warped the wooden pews over the years.
Metals, molecules, and medicine: chemical biology’s influence on health and sustainability
Aanya KaseraChemistry professor Chris Chang’s lab studies the chemical biology of the elements, specifically examining the roles that copper, iron, and zinc play in biology across all kingdoms of life.
Chemistry professor Chris Chang’s lab studies the chemical biology of the elements, specifically examining the roles that copper, iron, and zinc play in biology across all kingdoms of life.