Dear Sexpert,
I'm a female virgin and I'm not planning on losing my virginity any time soon. But for future reference, what does the physical experience of losing one's virginity entail? Will it hurt?
— Apprehensive
Dear Apprehensive,
For a girl, losing one's virginity usually involves breaking the hymen, a fold of membranous tissue partly covering the opening of the vagina. The hymen varies in strength from woman to woman. Sometimes, activities like horseback riding or previous sexual encounters including digital penetration (fingering) or masturbation could break it before you actually have intercourse for the first time.
It's hard for me to tell you whether losing your virginity will hurt since the amount of pain varies greatly from woman to woman. Though breaking the hymen can cause some discomfort and pain, it is generally not as bad as most people fear. In very rare cases, hymens can be extremely strong. If intense pain is experienced, one should consult a health care provider, as minor surgery (a hymenectomy) may be required.
Pain or discomfort during first intercourse (or at any other time, for that matter!) could also be caused by lack of lubrication or by the penis hitting the end of the cervix. When a woman is aroused, the vagina secretes a substance that should serve to lubricate. But, especially your first time having sex, you might be too nervous to produce enough of it. A water-based lubricant is useful here, so keep a tube of KY-jelly on hand!
As for the unpleasant image of a penis hitting your cervix, this is (usually) also due to less-than-complete arousal — when a woman becomes aroused, the cervix and the uterus ascend, leaving more space for the penis. If this doesn't happen — or if your partner's penis is unusually large — you may experience pain. This is not a common complaint, however, and if it does occur, just ask your partner to thrust less vigorously and deeply. Even better, request that he do a better job of turning you on first. Remember, foreplay should be an important and sensual part of sexual activity.
In general, if you are reasonably relaxed and aroused (as, if you're ready, you will be!) during your first sexual encounter, it should be a relatively pain-free experience.
— The Sexpert
Dear Sexpert,
Is it possible for a guy to go down on himself? Has it ever been done?
—Curious and slightly aroused
Dear curious and slightly aroused,
In short: Yup. Try yoga...
While perhaps "slightly arousing" and unfamiliar in our culture, "autofellatio" has been a phenomenon for thousands of years! Archaeologists have discovered paintings and hieroglyphs that depict men performing autofellatio. A contested Egyptian myth even states that the god Horus performed fellatio on himself nightly in order to keep the stars in their places — his ingestion of his own semen supposedly maintained order in the universe.
In modern times, autofellatio is an existent, if not particularly widespread, phenomenon, regardless of sexual orientation. According to the Kinsey report, though, less than one percent of men can fellate their own phalluses; its most famous practitioner being porn star and tycoon Ron Jeremy.
Not surprisingly, both penis length and back flexibility factor in determining a man's ability to go down on himself, and the right combination of factors isn't all that common. If you're asking out of personal curiosity, gymnastics and yoga may help increase flexibility ... but as for penis enlargements, well, that's a different column all together!
— The Sexpert "Sexpert" is written by a team of peer sexual health educators and fact-checked by University health professionals. You can submit questions, to be published anonymously every Thursday, to sexpert@dailyprincetonian.com. Don't be shy!
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