Bad News: The following Gonzo Weather column was fried in deadly 100 percent trans fat.
Good News: There's an easy joke here about Geico that frankly, I am unprepared to make.
Good News: Fall is here! Squirrels are burying acorns in the quad!
Bad News: Townies are burying food in Palmer Square.
Good News: The weather early this weekend is pretty much going to peg the needle on your Awesomeometer. We're talking dazzling sun each day, with highs in the mid 60s tomorrow and the lower 70s Saturday.
Bad News: There will be almost no wind this weekend, which means Dylan's conjecture, "you don't need a weatherman to know which way the wind blows" is not only false, but logically null in a specific localized context.
Bad News: Sunday looks to be rather warm, with highs in the upper 70s. The average for this time of year is 71.
Good news: Phrenology was discredited as a scientific discipline in the early 20th century, so you no longer need to fear being preemptively incarcerated because irregularities of your skull indicate strongly phlegmatic proclivities.
Bad News: Sonic abomination "Hollaback Girl" is easily worse than the 1985 Chicago Bears cult hit "Super Bowl Shuffle." Implication: legendary defensive end Richard Dent demonstrates superior musicianship to Gwen Stefani.
Good News: A revived House Un-American Activities Committee is set to launch a plenary McCarthyistic purge of suspected hollaback girls in the government and entertainment industry. Sen. Rick Santorum (R-Pa.) claims to be in sole possession of a list of 205 names of known hollaback girls working within the State Department.
Read More
GSG approves audit, delays budget approval after ‘insufferable’ meeting
Nikki HanThe final Graduate Student Government (GSG) meeting for the semester lasted more than an hour and a half when discussions over the proposed budget for the next year and a proposed Student Life Fee of $100 turned controversial.
The final Graduate Student Government (GSG) meeting for the semester lasted more than an hour and a half when discussions over the proposed budget for the next year and a proposed Student Life Fee of $100 turned controversial.
Effort to restore chapel’s pews slowly progresses
Ben GoldstonHead carpenter Jim Sullivan has been restoring the Chapel pews over the last year. The dry atmosphere of the Chapel has warped the wooden pews over the years.
Head carpenter Jim Sullivan has been restoring the Chapel pews over the last year. The dry atmosphere of the Chapel has warped the wooden pews over the years.
Metals, molecules, and medicine: chemical biology’s influence on health and sustainability
Aanya KaseraChemistry professor Chris Chang’s lab studies the chemical biology of the elements, specifically examining the roles that copper, iron, and zinc play in biology across all kingdoms of life.
Chemistry professor Chris Chang’s lab studies the chemical biology of the elements, specifically examining the roles that copper, iron, and zinc play in biology across all kingdoms of life.