In a classroom far, far away . . .
Moderator: Hello and welcome to the first annual meeting of the Princeton Campus Publications. We know many of you are busy with deadlines and would like to thank you for coming. Idealistic Nation, you had some opening remarks?
Idealistic Nation: Thank you kind sir. Yes, the opening remarks. Indeed. Ahem. Well you see, the thing is, at this current juncture in time . . .
The Tory: I think what our "friends" at the Idealistic Nation are trying to say was that if we were to just give segregation a second chance . . .
I. N.: Well, actually, funny story. That's not exactly . . .
Tory: There you have it, typical liberal flip-flopping. First you're in favor of segregation, now you're against it. Make up your mind!
The Daily Princetonian: This just in: A firestorm of controversy has erupted around a recent article by Thomas Knight that allegedly "pokes fun" at segregation. Knight has said that he did not mean to offend, but that he was simply trying to be funny.
Tiger Magazine: You guys wanna talk about funny? Try this one on for size: What do you call a telemarketer who's been shot? A popped caller! No? Well, how about a line-byline parody of T. S. Elliot's "The Wasteland"? April is the foolish month . . .
Green Light Magazine: I've heard the hushed whispers and felt the weight of months of anticipation. And now the question on all your lips: What is Green Light?
All: Not Really.
G. L.: Green Light is more than a publication. Green Light is a way of life; a state of mind, in fact! Is Green Light a form of nutrition? For some creatures, able to digest cellulose, I would postulate yes. But then again, maybe it is a form of nutrition for your brain. Or maybe this: Green Light IS your brain. Only one thing is certain: Green Light is coming!
Moderator: I'm sorry, what exactly do you do?
G. L.: One time, I compiled a mediocre Top 10 List of the most influential undergraduates on campus. Then I sort of disappeared.
Nassau Weekly: A little advice from someone who knows, avoid the Top 10 Lists.
Tory: About that, you should be ashamed of yourselves.
N. W.: You have to be kidding me.
Moderator: I think the question a lot of students are asking is, do we really need all of these publications?
Distractions: What's that? I wasn't paying attention.
Moderator: It seems like most of you are happy to just spew cliché and rhetoric.
Bamn: It's called free speech, dude. It's what separates us from the Canadians.
Foreign Policy Weekly: You're knowledge of Canada is pitiful . . .
The Daily Princetonian's "Street Section": Yeah dude, free speech! Groovy!
N. W.: You're not fooling anyone, Street.
Daily Princetonian: What can I say? A publication's gotta try.
Tiger: So, did you hear the one about the squirrel with the popped collar?
D.P.: I stand corrected. Tom Knight is a sophomore from San Juan Capistrano, CA. He can be reached at ttknight@princeton.edu.
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