Friday, September 19

Previous Issues

Follow us on Instagram
Try our free mini crossword
Subscribe to the newsletter
Download the app

The night before Dean's Date

Twas the night before Dean's Date, When throughout every college Students were furiously typing, Spewing late-gotten knowledge. For the previous week, They'd been in trivial pursuit — A little book learning A lot of Beirut! Computer clusters were packed, The printers were jammed, Eager email-checkers Rifled through spam. Jane from Miami Yearned to be my friend. But could she help write a paper? Make the dread deadline bend? Eight pages by morning On a book I'd not read: A task which produced Well-deserved jolts of dread. At "Grapes of Wrath" I'd not taken one look, The formulaic response: "CliffsNotes" + movie = book. Through my cinder block walls I heard wailing, sensed tears From orgo-crazed premeds And from poor engineers! When what to my wondering eyes Should appear? A forgotten assignment And with it, new fear; A French oral report Had been overlooked. How could this be? My night was well overbooked. Now Bogan! Now West! On Fleming! On White! If to love them is wrong I don't want to be right; But the work they've assigned? Tantamount to a sin! Wherefore Princeton's promise: The hard part's getting in? Those damned disciplined students Were snugly nestled in bed. Why can't I be more like them? Am I worthy, Dean Fred? I knew unless I got started My paper would bomb. So I digressed for an hour To Thefacebook.com. Then away to the 'Wa I flew like a flash, Needing caffeine and munchies For this pre-Dean's Date dash. Though things looked quite grim, I mantra-ed, "I am a fighter." And embarked with false hope On a wretched all-nighter. Victimized yet again By my procrastination, And to make matters worse, Here comes grade deflation. But my one cheering thought Made me sort of elated: How can one deflate What's already deflated?

ADVERTISEMENT
ADVERTISEMENT