Tower Club president Eric Czervionke '05 has expelled three club members for being members of the The Daily Princetonian senior news board.
The expelled members — Zackary Surakary '05, Rob Simmons '05 and Ana Book '06 — learned Tuesday that their memberships had been terminated.
During his reign as president, Czervionke has explicitly prohibited members from talking about the club with members of the media, despite the fact that roughly half of the club is, in fact, the media.
Leprechaun Mandate
Czervionke declined to discuss his decision with the 'Prince,' citing his own policy and saying that, "the leprechauns told me to do it."
But several club members anonymously confirmed that hostilities between the expelled staffers and Czervionke have escalated in recent weeks, ever since Czervionke discovered that they had been talking to themselves.
"Eric saw Zack looking at the mirror in the bathroom," one club member said, "and was positive that he was transmitting quotes regarding the club via ESP."
Other club members said that Simmons was often seen singing to himself, and Czervionke figured that was going in the paper, too.
Book, meanwhile, was cited for spending too much time with her boyfriend, Tower member and 'Prince' senior writer Josh Brodie.
"Fraternization with the enemy is not permitted," Czervionke said, in a thinly veiled reference to Book and Brodie, adding that the leprechauns had told him that as well.
Angry Jews
In a hastily called meeting late Tuesday night, the remaining Tower-'Prince' members expressed outrage at Czervionke's decision.
Brodie characterized the discussion as "a bunch of angry Jews venting," saying that they would be encouraging sophomore 'Prince' writers not to bicker Tower.
World-renowned "Street" analyst Callen Cooper noted that Tower might face dire consequences if Czervionke's decision is not overturned.
"Without the 'Prince' staffers and the Jews, Tower's bicker class will likely be cut in half," Cooper noted. "And to make matters worse, my sources tell me that Surakary's girlfriend Pam [Stolzer '05] is leading an a capella withdrawal from the club in protest."
Without the Jews, 'Prince' writers and singers, Tower's membership will exclusively include Indians and the entire Triangle Club.
Cooper said that the loss of the Jews, in addition to the loss of Surakary — the club's treasurer — could plummet the club into financial crisis.
But Czervionke disagreed, arguing that the club would be just fine.
"I've already named my sister the interim treasurer, since she's already here more than Zack anyway," he said. "And our membership numbers will be just fine. Ivy will hose a bunch of people and we'll take them next fall." This article is part of The Daily Princetonian's 2005 Joke Issue.
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