This article probably should have come out last week for Reading Period, but we delayed writing it — like other news, our readers point out . . . Get it? Get it?
But today is still the first day of exams, and we hope our box of procrastination tools will help distract you from your work. Just consider it a small part of our effort to stop grade inflation.
Though Page 3 often has room for more in depth journalism, our toolbox will leave out several key procrastination techniques that also couldn't be featured on Saturday morning television.
Without more delay, what to pack when you plan to procrastinate:
1. AIM, the online instant messenger, packs a particularly powerful procrastination punch. Not only are you delaying work by chatting online, but you also are delaying your fellow online chatter's work. And you can engage in this menage of procrastination with multiple partners. But even if you prefer to procrastinate yourself, checking the away messages of all 200 people on your Buddy List — even if they live hundreds of miles away and you haven't talked to them in years — can be a helpful tool.
2. The 10 Frist Campus Center email terminals, of which at least six are usually working, enable students to check their most recent messages every 10 minutes. But there are much more profound levels of procrastination involved in this technique than meets the eye. The one or two minutes it takes to find out there are no new messages don't tell the whole story. A walk to the terminals from, say, Café Viv, involves buying some petty candy at the C-Store, chatting with a classmate for 10 minutes between the C-store and the terminals and then a final chat on the way back. Double procrastination points if you're going to use the terminals with a wirelessly connected laptop sitting in front of you.
3. Goodies but oldies, Snood and Minesweeper can provide oodles of procrastination hours. But shame on you if you derive math formulas to figure out how to the beat the game quickly. We realize that these games may be considered relics of high school, just like G.P.A.'s and Friday night parties, but we think their procrastination potential really augurs for their return soon.
4. A few rounds of Beirut can provide a poignant period of philosophizing on Middle East politics and society — a topic that must be covered in at least half of all classes these days. Now the procrastination Beirut shouldn't involve so many cups that you can't return to study after; it should provide a pleasant respite while offering some insight into the strategies in the region of Lebanon.
5. Check out what Ivy League school you should have attended — or were you destined for Old Nassau after all — at www.quizilla.com. Check the "Most Popular" section.
6. A nap. See photograph below.
7. A walk to get coffee at Panera or Starbucks or Bucks or Café Viv involves getting a potent dose of caffeine, which just lets you stay up later and prolongs possible procrastination even more.
8. You can take the long walk to the U-Store or the 'Wa. But there is nothing funny about that. Actually, it is quite boring, except to hear, "Are you a member?"
9. Stalkeresque tool Google gives you the chance to spend precious hours investigating the backgrounds of your closest friends and greatest enemies. And you can check on your own fame factor at the same time, garnering personal pleasure points.
10. The 'Prince' procrastination plan pamphlet involves cutting out this article and reading it over several times, trying to count the number of alliteration incidences involving the letter p. — Princetonian Staff
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