Lesley McElhattan '95

Lesley Carlin McElhattan '95 was exploring her grandmother's attic one day when she discovered an old 1940s etiquette manual.

"It was just the funniest thing," McElhattan said. "It had a really cool tone — very no-nonsense with a little bit of humor too."

The book inspired McElhattan to produce some etiquette writing of her own, tips that would be appropriate in an era of email and cell phones. And so the Etiquette Grrls were born, dispensing advice in the form of a book, "Things You Need to Be Told," published in October 2001, and a website, etiquettegrrls.com. A second book, "More Things You Need to Be Told," is due in June.

McElhattan's Etiquette Grrls, who offer guidance on everything from weddings to beach behavior, are "crusading for polite behavior in a tacky, rude world," their website reads.

A unique style

Their distinctly modern advice is framed in a quirky, antiquated way, with old-fashioned word capitalization and sentence structure.

"Somewhere, Someone is Wearing a Tube Top in Church. At a Funeral. Cell phones are ringing in Classrooms, Theatres, and Libraries. A girl is staggering under the weight of an Air Conditioner, on a 90-degree day, as a nearby boy watches with interest, idly enjoying a Cold Beverage. Young people are Swing-Dancing in Khakis. Chocolate is running around in 'Martinis.' And everywhere, the Elderly, the Infirm, and the Pregnant are standing up on trains," reads the introduction and mission statement on the website. "We are Appalled. Something has to be done."

Advice

The Etiquette Grrls dispense advice on a range of topics, from making artichoke dip to avoiding pashmina shawls. McElhattan also reserves a special section on the Etiquette Grrls website for detailing appropriate college behavior.

"I think at Princeton I saw some of the good and bad of college etiquette," McElhattan said. "I enjoyed the really traditional aspects of Princeton."

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"But," she added, "when I was there there were all these reports of people head-butting lampposts."

McElhattan's Etiquette Grrls provides Princeton-applicable advice on roommates, dorm life, classes and partying, designed to "make Other People's Bright College Years more pleasant and Rudeness-Free."

Students should be respectful of their neighbors, the Etiquette Grrls advise, and should recognize that the hallway is public space.

"Have you noticed the Door between Your Room and The Hallway?" McElhattan writes. "This is where Your Room stops. It is Very Rude to use a portion of The Hallway as a TV room, kitchen, conservatory, etc., even if Your Room's dimensions resemble those of a Broom Closet."

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These words of wisdom are timely, as students begin planning ways to cope with draw times that may have been less than ideal.

The Etiquette Grrls also advise honesty on the roommate request form, and having policies with roommates on sharing food and common room cleanliness.

"If you have your own bedroom you may keep it as cluttered as you please, as long as you keep the door shut and nothing reeks or becomes Infested," McElhattan notes on the website.

The Etiquette Grrls also frown on anyone who, in class, chooses to "tap a pen constantly upon a desk, yawn audibly, manicure one's nails, place trades avec one's broker, etc."

It's also important to let professors know in advance if you're going to a miss a class, Mc-Elhattan advises.

Closed classes

The Etiquette Grrls also say that, in getting into closed classes, "making a Polite, Personal Appeal to the Professor can Work Wonders. Simply find out when the Prof has Office Hours, show up ten minutes early, and ask if you may speak with him or her about the Seminar on Blah Blah Blah. You should outline why you wish to take the course (note: this should be genuine; any Prof who hears something like, 'Uh, 'cause my girlfriend is in this class,' should Laugh in Your Face) and plead to be allowed to enroll.

"Do not attempt to Bribe the Professor. This is Bad Form."

It is important to be realistic about your sleep and party schedule when choosing classes, as well as to take the great courses that will be memorable parts of a college experience, the Etiquette Grrls counsel.

Variety in social life is also encouraged. McElhattan's Etiquette Grrls encourage taking breaks from beer and keg parties, saying that "just because you live in a dorm does not mean you cannot have a party with Real Drinks, Elegant Music, and dare we say, Yummy Hors d'Oeuvres!"

The Etiquette Grrls' final college advice is to "always, always Behave graciously!" and McElhat-tan said she has fond memories of some of what she saw as Princeton's more gracious traditions, including house parties and the beautiful Gothic dorms and lecture halls.

A member of Terrace Club, McElhattan was involved with the Nassau Literary Review as an undergraduate. She majored in English with a creative writing concentration.

"I did a creative thesis — that was fantastic. Just having the freedom to work on a project was amazing," McElhattan said.

McElhattan's journey from Princeton senior to etiquette dispenser involved some detours. After graduating, she went to a masters program in poetry at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, before returning to Princeton for several years to work as an editor at Princeton Alumni Weekly.

Though she had planned on focusing on the editorial side of the publication, the Internet was just beginning to emerge, and McElhattan shifted her focus to PAW's website.

From there she went to work at an Internet startup company, becoming a managing editor at the now-defunct mysportsguru.com.

"What we were producing were little sports movies of golf swings," McElhattan said, adding that in retrospect it was "kind of a dumb idea," since few people would have wanted to carry their laptops with them out onto the golf course.

McElhattan is currently combining work on the Etiquette Grrls books and website, which she and some old friends co-write, with a job at another Internet company called tripadvisor.com. The site offers a travel-specific search engine, designed to provide a more effective alternative to Google and other comparable search engines.

"I'm pretty much in charge of all the content on the site," McElhattan said.

How does she balance the two projects?

"I have a really, really understanding boss," McElhattan said. "I've definitely had enough time on my own."

In the future, McElhattan plans to try working on some solo projects, returning to writing poetry, or perhaps writing a novel.

She is also looking forward to reconnecting with old friends from Terrace at her upcoming 10th reunion, which may — who knows? — bring up some new etiquette emergencies for the Etiquette Grrls to contend with.

Hopefully McElhattan will not find anything distasteful enough to add to the Etiquette Grrls' "See Us in Hell" list.

The list currently includes Harvard, of whose graduates "the Etiquette Grrls have only met three whose egos could fit in the same room with them and who could hold a decent conversation," professional wrestling, "ostentatious tombstones," marshmallows, SUVs, American Idol and "Scary Long Nails. Especially avec 'Nail Art.' "