Get it over with: Time to axe Will Green, men's golf head coach

We've wanted to write this column for a long time. The time has come. The Princeton community and the sporting world have waited long enough.

Our patience has run out, and so too should the patience of the new athletic director as soon as he moves in.

Men's golf head coach Will Green has got to go.

Now, there will be people out there, some of whom may even play golf, that will say that coach Green should keep his job. These people are idiots and should be locked up immediately.

You say three Ivy titles and three NCAA tournament appearances is an impressive start for a newly minted head coach? I say that athletes at Princeton play for championships, not appearances.

I know that when I go out onto the turf for a flag football matchup or onto the ice for a tough broomball contest, I would not waste my time playing for a coach that was happy with mere tournament appearances.

Nor am I swayed that the first of coach Green's Ivy titles was also the team's first since 1995. The team that year only lowered its stroke average by 2.5 and only won three out of its four tournaments.

Three out of four? That's only 75 percent. That's a C. Would you be happy with a C in one of your classes? I didn't think so.

And what's this business about Green playing golf only "sporadically" when he was growing up, and eventually selling his business to start playing professionally as an adult? What kind of dedication is that?

Princeton's storied golf program deserves a coach who grew up with clubs glued to his hands, a la Tiger Woods.

This is a program that, of the 21 NCAA championships won by Princeton teams, claims 12 championships of its own. But what have they done for us lately? I suggest, with Green a 1990 graduate of the University of Virginia and clearly over the hill, that it's time for a youth movement.

Here's what I propose. The Athletic Department should draw up a list of the youngest players on the PGA Tour. Not juniors, since they clearly don't have enough experience yet. But first on the list, number one with a bullet? Ty Tryon, the 18-year-old PGA phenom.

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Tryon is the perfect fit for the Princeton golf program. According to his website, www.tytryon.com, one of his favorite colors is black, and his favorite movies are Caddyshack, Happy Gilmore and Swordfish.

Who better to coach a college golf team than an 18-year-old who watches movies about golf and in which Halle Berry is topless?

I'll admit that Tryon isn't perfect. He would be younger than most of the players on his team. And his eye color is listed as "brown-green" which, as far as I can tell, isn't a real color. But I think the pros greatly outweigh the cons, including the fact that he's actually named after Chevy Chase's character in Caddyshack.

That's the most amazing thing, I think. His dad started calling him Ty after they saw the Bill Murray classic. Is that clever or what?

And his favorite food to eat is whatever his mom makes. This guys is almost too good to be true. Come on up to Jersey, Ty and come quick — the golf team needs you.

Regardless of whether or not Ty's available or wants the job, the first step is still to get rid of Green. His record of moderate success in a very young head coaching career simply does not measure up to the standards of excellence that this university demands.

If Ty's not available, maybe the university should start looking at other young pro golfers. Tiger Woods is too old and would demand too much money, but a pro like Charles Howell III might be a good second choice. He and Ty look a little alike, though Howell's ears are bigger.

Howell also has a tour win — in 2001 at the Michelob Championship at Kingsmill.

I went to Kingsmill once — it's a nice place. In Virginia. Near Busch Gardens. You know? The theme park?

Anyway, he also ranks first in something called "total driving," which for all I know means he gets extra credit by crushing the ball 320 yards — on the 175-yard par 3's. Sounds like coaching material to me.