Waiting for bids

A dorm room. A sofa.

Evening.

Brandon sits, trying to light a cigarette. The flint sparks, but there is no flame. He gives up, exhausted, rests, and tries again as before.

Enter Maxwell.

BRANDON: [huffs angrily and places the cigarette behind his ear.] Hey.

MAXWELL: Hey.

BRANDON: What's up?

MAXWELL: Nothing. How's it going?

BRANDON: Nothing.

MAXWELL: [Pause.] You can't say that.

BRANDON: What?

MAXWELL: You can't say that.

BRANDON: [defiantly] I didn't say that.

MAXWELL: You can't say nothing.

BRANDON: I didn't.

MAXWELL: Yes, you did. [Pause.]

BRANDON: [feebly] Didn't I say something?

MAXWELL: You said nothing.

BRANDON: I didn't say anything?

MAXWELL: No, you said nothing.

Silence.

MAXWELL: Don't you need a light?

BRANDON: Yes.

MAXWELL: What happened to yours?

BRANDON: It doesn't work anymore.

MAXWELL: [amusing himself] Even in the future nothing works!

BRANDON: Something must work.

MAXWELL: Spaceballs?

BRANDON: What?

MAXWELL: Nothing. [Pause.]

BRANDON: [introspectively] Is it the future already?

MAXWELL: Not yet.

BRANDON: What about later?

MAXWELL: Perhaps. [Pause.] I suppose that by the time you've already experienced a moment in the present, you're already on to experiencing a moment in the future. Or perhaps because you are always living in the present moments, you can never live in the future, because by the time you do, it has already become the present moment. [Pause.]

BRANDON: [rationalizing] So it only takes a moment?

MAXWELL: I can't decide.

BRANDON: [Pause.] Do you have a light?

MAXWELL: [giggling] Make it a Bud Light?

BRANDON: [angrily] Forget it, I'm going to the 'Wa. [Stands up to leave.]

MAXWELL: Wait! [Brandon waits.] I know I have some matches around here.

[Searches frantically as Brandon sits down again.] Aha!

BRANDON: Finally.

MAXWELL: [proudly] I found the remote!

BRANDON: No matches?

MAXWELL: No.

BRANDON: I want to smoke.

MAXWELL: I know. [Pause.] But at least now we can watch Survivor.

BRANDON: We don't have a television.

MAXWELL: Imagine if we did!

BRANDON: Well, I can't because we don't. [Pause.] I don't like reality television anyway. The people are always so superficial and backstabbing.

Silence.

BRANDON: What are we doing here?

MAXWELL: We're talking about Survivor.

BRANDON: No, I mean, why are we here?

MAXWELL: That's pretty complicated, isn't it?

BRANDON: No.

MAXWELL: No, it is, or no, it isn't.

BRANDON: [Pause.] I . . . no . . . nothing. Weren't we doing something else?

MAXWELL: Today?

BRANDON: And yesterday.

MAXWELL: [brightly] Of course! We're waiting for them!

BRANDON: [despairingly] Ah! [Pause.] You're sure it was here?

MAXWELL: They said for everyone to wait in their room.

BRANDON: Whose room?

MAXWELL: Our room.

BRANDON: Everyone?

MAXWELL: No, just us.

BRANDON: Then where is everyone?

MAXWELL: I don't know.

Silence.

MAXWELL: What if we were the last two people on Survivor?

BRANDON: [Pause.] I would vote you off the island.

MAXWELL: [defiantly] I would vote you off the island.

BRANDON: Would that be fair?

MAXWELL: Would what be fair?

BRANDON: That.

MAXWELL: What?

BRANDON: Nothing.

MAXWELL: [Pause.] Suppose we both voted ourselves off the island?

BRANDON: [pensively] You can only vote one person off.

MAXWELL: No, I mean what if we each voted for ourself?

BRANDON: Who?

MAXWELL: You or me.

BRANDON: Which one?

MAXWELL: Both. Neither. It depends.

BRANDON: I'm afraid I don't follow you.

MAXWELL: We'd be following each other.

BRANDON: But who would go first?

MAXWELL: It would happen at the same time.

BRANDON: In the present or the future?

MAXWELL: I can't decide.

Silence.

MAXWELL: Listen!

They listen intently, rigidly.

BRANDON: I hear nothing.

MAXWELL: Shhh!

Silence again.

MAXWELL: Sorry, I thought I heard shouting and drums.

BRANDON: It might be the band.

MAXWELL: All the same.

BRANDON: [Pause.] I can't stand all this bickering. I'm going to the 'Wa.

MAXWELL: What if they come?

BRANDON: They might have lighters.

MAXWELL: No doubt.

BRANDON: No?

MAXWELL: Yes.

BRANDON: True. [Pause.] I'm going anyway.

MAXWELL: I'll go too then.

BRANDON: You first.

MAXWELL: You first.

BRANDON: [quizzically] At the same time?

MAXWELL: I can't decide.

They do not move.