Blackballing Bicker

Every year as it begins in earnest, Bicker swims in an aura of praise and criticism. At the risk of beating a dead elephant, I want to join the fray, not because I think I have anything original or significant to say, but because everyone — including me — has an opinion about it.

To avoid any suspicions, I will admit upfront that I'm a happy victim of the process. I tried once and failed. Yet I'm happy with this failure, because I have since realized that the club I bickered was not the club that fits me best. That is, of course, all that matters in the end.

Having made this admission, you might reasonably think that I am a sour critic of Bicker. But this is not true. I don't feel very strongly about it one way or another, as long as those who want to bicker can do so respectably, and those who do not can decline without loss of pride. This is, more or less, how things stand now. Furthermore, I think the members of each club should be able to choose — within reasonable bounds — how its future members will be chosen. I say let club democracy live.

But self-contradiction is one of life's simple joys, so allow me to indulge: Despite my indifference to the process of Bicker at Princeton, were I in the position to do so, I would abolish it without hesitation.

I would transform the bicker and sign-in process into a club draw system. Since room draw is more fair than Bicker in the eyes of many students, I would encourage Adam Rockman of the housing department to manage the Bicker process as well. Every interested sophomore (and junior) would sign a club draw sheet with a group of his friends, and they would pick the club of their dreams in accordance with their club draw number. This might happen for both sophomores and juniors or just sophomores. There are benefits and problems with both possibilities.

I don't feel the need to justify my proposal, because it is utopian and will never happen. And, in any case, I'm not sure I'd support it. There are, however, some attractive consequences of the club draw proposal: First, as I said before, it at least appears more equitable than the current Bicker process (which, of course, only applies to about half the clubs anyway). The Sirens of Chance are many things, but they are certainly apathetic to our own desires; that is, they are indisputably fair (as all sirens are, right?).

Second, the remnants of exclusivity and elitism that still surround Princeton's reputation would all but vanish from the heart of Princeton's social life. Of course, I don't mean to imply that exclusivity is always bad; after all, this exclusivity enhances the eating club experience for those who reap its benefits, and that's half the eating club population. Moreover, we are all beneficiaries of having the opportunity to study at one of the world's most exclusive centers of learning, so decrying the evils of elitism from this page would be worse than eating my foot for breakfast.

Third and finally, the club draw system would eliminate the unfortunately common attitude that getting into an exclusive eating club is the key to enjoying Princeton's social life. This is hardly ever true, but many sophomores find it difficult to believe this because they have not yet been through the process, and they want to cover their bases in case it is true. This is what I did, but like I said, I'm happy my savvy strategy didn't work.

I realize that this proposal is riddled with problems, not the least of which is that it will never happen. But I'm not proposing it as a valid alternative to the status quo. In fact, I'm not proposing anything. Instead, I'm thinking out loud and encouraging you to join me, as you encounter the bicker process for the first or final time. Jeff Wolf is a philosophy major from Chevy Chase, Md. He can be reached at jeffwolf@princeton.edu.