The following is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
Though many students easily recognize the familiar faces of Nassau Hall and know about the people who run Princeton, they often overlook the critical members of the team that run the school from behind the scenes.
Here are some of those figures:
“Speciesism runs rampant at Princeton,” EEB concentrator Riley Shannon ’24 explained in an interview with the Daily PrintsAnything. “There are underground figures shaping fundamental aspects of our college experience every day, but since they don’t have fancy offices or listserv access, they don’t receive the same acknowledgement for the work they do.”
First-year students new to the communal showering scene confirm that the omnipresence of Princeton’s “Underground Administration” rivals that of other influential organizations on campus. “They’re everywhere,” Denzel Mullins ’27 notes, “and that makes you move through your time at Princeton a little differently.” Not unlike the Honor Committee, Mullins says that these smaller members of campus “certainly make me watch where I step.”
Mya Koffie is a first-year contributing humor writer from Appleton, WI. She remains an avid lover of her res college, Rockefeller, in spite of the little friends she's met in the showers. She can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.