The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
It’s the beginning of a new school year, which means new faces are abundant! Talking to strangers can be intimidating, but a reliable conversation starter can alleviate much of that stress. At this point, however, asking for your fellow student’s residential college affiliation is just basic. Make your mom proud and find some new friends using these superior conversation starters.
- How were classes today? It’s simple, easy to answer, and shows genuine interest in their day.
- What’s your major? Maybe you two share common interests; let’s find some fertile ground!
- Which one of your parents went here? Maybe both!
- Where do you summer? It is essential that you make at least one friend with a boat.
- What is your favorite avant-garde Soviet silent film? Everybody has one!
- When were you last truly happy? Definitely not since they’ve arrived here.
- *Purr at them* Self-explanatory.
- What do you think hell feels like? We’ll all get there eventually.
- What other schools did you get into? An oldie but a goodie. Extra credit if you tell them your SAT score before they even get a chance to respond.
Tyler Wilson is a contributing writer for The Prospect and Humor at the ‘Prince.’ He can be reached at email@example.com or on Instagram at @tylertwilson.