The following content is purely satirical and entirely fictional.
As cases spike and isolation housing once again hits capacity, the University has asked that students quarantine in their own sleeping spaces. In the middle of ECO 100 lecture last week, a frosh solved the University’s isolation housing shortage.
“Just charge them. Charge people for isolation housing,” said Eno Vative ’25, a prospective economics concentrator.
“I drew the two little lines on my graph and it says we should just keep increasing prices until students simply stop demanding isolation housing,” Vative said.
He added that “any economist worth their salt could tell you that.”
Internal polling done by The DailyPrintsAnything revealed that 40 percent of Princeton students would be willing to pay for isolation housing. Of those, one third indicated that they would be willing to pay more for a “premium experience,” which would include extra amenities in their rooms such as super steam decongestants and a robot chef to prepare superior meals.
The Department of Economics and the Office of Isolation Coordinators declined to comment for this article.
“If the market solves problems, why not this one?” concluded Vative.
Hannah To is a staff writer for the satire section and an economics major who may or may not have been *that* frosh in ECO 100. She can be reached at email@example.com.